Think

Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it. - Henry Ford

How often do you allocate time to thinking?

Of course, I know you’re always thinking, but much of what you consider to be thinking can be chalked up to pattern recognition and reacting.

As magnificent as it is, your brain is a very lazy organ and is continuously looking for ways to conserve energy. Its goal is long-term survival, and so it creates shortcuts and automates as many tasks as possible. These shortcuts lure you into thinking you’re thinking when what you’re really doing is utilizing preset patterns.

Deep thinking is hard work, and rarely is it taught in any school curriculum. In fact, in most educational programs, quick answers and responses are rewarded, and slow thinkers are often punished or penalized for their slowness. Walk into any classroom, and you’ll see children raising their hands as fast as possible to be recognized and called on by the teacher, and this behavior continues into adulthood.

But as we all know, having an answer to a question is not the same as thinking. While rote memorization has its place, learning to think is very different.

So, how do you learn to think?

Thinking is all about exploring different ideas and options. It’s about spending time evaluating outcomes based on actions. It’s about reaching the end of the line of your current patterns so that you can build new ones. Thinking involves dancing with boredom until a new idea or thought emerges.

One of the best ways to think is with a pen and notebook. Title the page with an idea or topic you want to think about, and then let your mind wander. Jot down any and every thought that comes to mind. When you do this, you’ll quickly find that you bump up against a mental wall where you’ll feel as though you’ve exhausted all your options – this is the point where real thinking begins.

Of course, you don’t need to engage in writing every time you want or need to think, but every so often, when you have a big decision to make or need to work through a challenge, learning to think out loud aka, on paper can help you see options and bring new opportunities to light.

So, get in the habit today of thinking on paper. Carve out a few minutes to practice and continue to hone your ability to think. While it’s unfortunate that thinking is rarely taught as a class, fortunately for you, learning to think is a skill that you can learn to cultivate at any time in life.

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Pre-Day Planning

An hour of planning can save you 10 hours of doing. Dale Carnegie

When is the best time to start your day?

What if I said it’s the night before?

Starting your day the night before begins with a little bit of planning that can ultimately save you time and even alleviate stress.

Your pre-day activity shouldn’t take long and might only consist of a few simple steps.

Here are a few suggestions.

First, make a short list of what you need to accomplish or work on tomorrow. This day before checklist frees your mind, which can be especially helpful when going to sleep. When you make a list, you’re moving items from your mind to paper and have less chance of forgetting what you need to do.

Next, you can think about clothing for the next day. Again, just a little prep to reduce the stress of deciding what to wear in the morning.

The last item on the list is food. Planning your breakfast, or whatever meals are essential to you, ahead of time saves you having to make decisions the day of and can also prevent you from making poor food choices.

Pre-day planning is a tool you can adopt no matter where you are in life. It’s a low investment, high returns tool that takes a few minutes to implement and can save you hours over your lifetime.

So, this evening, spend a few minutes and create a pre-day plan. Enjoy the benefit of additional time and even the decrease in stress you’ll experience tomorrow.

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Smell the Roses

You're only here for a short visit. Don't hurry, don't worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way. Walter Hagen

When was the last time you stopped to smell the roses?

Well, maybe not actual roses, but metaphorically speaking.

Learning to acknowledge and value the meaning of an event, act, or even in some cases, an inanimate object has been shown to improve personal well-being.

Taking time to recognize and appreciate events or even objects is also a great way to avoid taking things for granted.

It’s easy to move from one accomplishment to another without taking time to stop and appreciate meaningful moments in life. But doing so can result in a feeling of burnout and being on a never-ending treadmill.

I know chasing dreams and goals, the pressure of fulfilling expectations, both yours and the ones others have imposed on you, can keep you in continuous motion with what seems like little or no time to stop and enjoy what some might consider small wins. But learning to stop is more beneficial for you in the long run. If it helps, think of stopping as a racecar driver would about a pit-stop—a brief pause to refresh and replenish yourself for the next round of activity.

So, take a moment today to stop and smell whatever roses are in your life. Think of an event, person, or even object that in the past twenty-four hours has positively influenced your life and feel a sense of appreciation for them or it. Oh, and of course, if you have access to real roses, and if you’re so inclined to do so, please do take a moment to smell them.

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Learn From Failure

We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success. Samuel Smiles

Do you learn more from failure or success?

While both failure and success contain their own set of lessons, it’s almost always failure that inspires additional learning.

Why is that so?

Because success lures you into thinking you’re doing everything correctly, whereas failure reminds you that you’re not.

The sting of failure is what forces you to look for alternate paths. And it’s in the seeking of new ways of acting and doing that you begin to grow and learn.

Before I continue, let me clarify that there absolutely can be a downside to failure. Some people never recover from what could be considered catastrophic failures. Failure so significant that the individual gives up emotionally and, in some cases, even physically. Fortunately, failure on such a grand scale rarely occurs for most people.

Failure, when treated appropriately, is an opportunity to pause and reflect. Failure is an opportunity for you to improve your decision-making. It’s even an opportunity to recalibrate and, in some cases, even redefine your mission.

If you re-read the preceding paragraph, you’ll notice that I used the word opportunity several times. I did that by design because I want you to think of failure as an opportunity and not a negative event. I understand that rephrasing failure as an opportunity does not remove the emotional turmoil associated with it. But once you get through -and hopefully you will – experiencing the rollercoaster of emotions connected to failure, you’ll begin to see new opportunities arise.

So, the next time you find yourself failing at something, try to reframe it as a learning opportunity. I know it’s easier said than done, but still doable. Use your failures as stepping, no, not stepping, but learning stones on your way to success.

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Mental Browser Tabs

There is virtue in work and there is virtue in rest. Use both and overlook neither.  Alan Cohen

How many browser tabs do you have open right now?

Wait. Before you answer, I want to modify the question.

How many browser tabs do you have open in your mind?

It’s easy to treat your mind like your devices, leaving several browser tabs open at any one time as you flit from interest to interest or thought to thought. But every once in a while, it’s good practice to clear tabs and refresh your mind, just like you do with your device.

The difference between your mind and your device is that your device lets you know that it needs an occasional update or refresh. On the other hand, your mind might send you signals that it too needs refreshing, but it’s, of course, up to you whether you heed the messages.

The messages your mind sends you that it has too many tabs open and needs refreshing might show up in the form of frustration, stress, or even anxiety and panic. When you begin to feel any of the preceding emotions, instead of plowing on and hoping they’ll disappear, learn to take a step back and pause.

Pausing or stopping when you feel overwhelmed isn’t a sign of weakness, but strength, and dare I say, even maturity. And the wonderful thing about pausing is that just like your device when you get back from break, you can always restore your tabs.

I’ll admit that it is impossible to completely turn off your mind, and that is one advantage that devices have, but that’s okay. Your version of closing tabs can be to briefly bring your full attention to one thing and be purposefully present. A mindful moment if you will. Just enough time to re-center yourself and eliminate or reduce the feeling of overwhelm.

While your mind is a wonderful instrument and can function as well as, if not better than any device, it also needs to rest and refresh. And though sleep is a great tool for resting your mind, it’s also a healthy practice to deliberately take time throughout your day to close as many mental browser tabs as possible. Doing so will allow you to distribute the mental burden of your day, resulting in you feeling more focused and refreshed.

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Perfection or Progress?

Progress is more important than perfection. Simon Sinek

Are you striving for perfection or progress?

If it’s perfection you’re seeking, then there’s a high probability that you’ll consistently be disappointed.

Why?

Because perfection rarely exists. Perfection can also be elusive because it’s a moving target.

The ideas you have or the images you see of a perfect life, with perfect partners and children – all living in a perfect setting is a fictional story.

One of the worst aspects of perfection is that no matter how hard you work towards it, you will always have a perception that there’s better out there and you haven’t achieved it.

Perfection doesn’t even exist in high-tech engineering, where computers are involved, and humans have been removed from the process. Ask any engineer, and they will tell you about tolerances, aka, the number of flaws acceptable when producing a product.

Progress, on the other hand, is a journey. The steps you take can be incremental, or in some cases even exponential, each one leading towards a destination of your choosing.

Progress can be confusing and messy. At times, progress might force you to take a few steps backward just so that you can move forwards again.

When you focus on progress, you pay more attention to the process rather than the outcome. You maintain a constant step-by-step, boring and monotonous at times, march towards your goal.

So, the next time you find yourself thinking about how to be or live a perfect life, think about progress instead. Concentrate on taking nothing more than the next step towards whatever goal or ideal life you’ve imagined. If you continue to take one step at a time, you might soon find yourself living what might be considered a perfect life.

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Confront Yourself

You cannot change what you refuse to confront. — John Spence

How often are you confrontational?

Let me clarify before you think I’m asking you to pick a fight with someone.

How often are you confrontational with yourself?

Or perhaps asked another way.

How often do you confront yourself about how you’re living?

Why am I suggesting you confront yourself?

Because, while I’m a strong proponent of self-love and being kind to yourself, there must be times when you need to be willing to challenge and hold yourself to a higher set of values.

Confronting yourself is not about berating or criticizing yourself. It’s about asking difficult questions and committing to self-inquiry. It’s about identifying and determining your contribution to the happenings in your life. It’s about holding yourself accountable.

How should you hold yourself accountable?

There is no one specific formula for self-accountability that works for everyone, but one way is to design a set of questions that works for you.

Here are a few examples of questions that might work for you.

Am I doing what I said I would do?

Am I living in line with my values?

Am I becoming the person I want to be?

As you can see, these questions are broad and require additional self-inquiry to identify specific activities that align with the questions.

Once you have your questions, the challenge begins – holding yourself accountable. This is when you confront yourself.

One way to hold yourself accountable is to identify a person you trust you to check in with you on a pre-determined schedule and ask you your defined questions. Asking someone to hold you accountable can be intimidating, but it can also be highly effective. Of course, if you’re not ready, or feel too vulnerable to ask someone else, then you can always check in with yourself. Doing so requires a little more discipline but is absolutely doable.

So, if you’re seeking to make progress in your life, learn to confront yourself. Find a way to hold yourself accountable and push yourself towards the person you want and know you can be.

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Personal Growth

Happiness is not the goal of your life. Growth is. Tony Robbins

What is your plan for personal growth?

Why is personal growth even important?

There are two kinds of personal growth. One is by chance; the other is deliberate.

Personal growth that occurs by chance is what you go through during the early part of life. From when you’re born to your late teens, you experience tremendous personal growth without ever really seeking it out. It’s nature’s gift to you.

But then what happens?

You become an adult, and you now have choices and independence.

You get to decide if you want to continue to grow or begin to stagnate.

Of course, as an adult, nature or life isn’t entirely done with you yet. There will still be opportunities for you to experience personal growth when faced with adversities and other unplanned events.

But what about deliberate personal growth?

Is it required?

No. But life is more fulfilling, and if that’s not your thing, then it’s more exciting if you intentionally seek out personal growth.

Fortunately for you, there’s no one sure-fire way to experience personal growth. You get to decide how and what you do to experience it.

You can choose if you want to grow emotionally, physically, spiritually, or even push your level of intelligence as far as you can. Or you can select them all and benefit from the adventure of growth in multiple arenas.

Ultimately, pursuing personal growth is all about releasing your inner potential. It’s not to meet the standards or expectations of anyone else. It’s about seeing what you can do with your own life.

So, take some time today and consider a personal growth plan for yourself. Unleash your fullest potential and be like the proverbial acorn that grows into the most prominent oak tree it can.

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Invisible Forces

One reason people resist change is because they focus on what they have to give up instead of what they have to gain. Rick Godwin

Why is it so difficult to change?

Are there some magical invisible forces acting against you?

Unfortunately, forces are acting against you, and yes, quite often, you can’t see them. But if you take some time to investigate, then you can identify them.

There is an equation to change, and it’s that when you consider making any change, there will be forces in favor and forces against making that change. And it’s your job to identify what those forces are.

The key to making lasting, successful change is making the forces in favor of change greater than those against the change. While this might sound straightforward, how do you go about doing so?

Good question.

Here’s one suggestion. Call on the spirit of Ben Franklin.

Why Ben Franklin?

Because Ben Franklin, although I’m pretty sure wasn’t the first person to do so, was known for making a list of pros and cons for making decisions. Essentially, he made a process of identifying the forces, or reasons, for or against change.

The process of evaluating pros and cons is simple and yet powerful. All you need to do is get a piece of paper and draw two columns: label one column pros and the other cons. And then start identifying the reasons for and against the change. Make your list as exhaustive as possible and if need be, seek additional advice or help.

Making a list of pros and cons shines a light on the forces for and against the change you’re thinking about making and allows you to ask yourself whether it’s worth your effort to exert the necessary energy needed to change.

So, the next time you’re considering implementing a change in your life, don’t forget about the invisible forces working to keep you where you are. Evaluate your current state versus the change you’re thinking about adopting. And if you decide to move forward, then – please forgive the Star Wars sounding advice – may your force be stronger than the ones acting against you.

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Falling off the Wagon

We all fall off the wagon. It's only one day; it's not the rest of your life. Pick yourself up and go again. Nikki Sixx

What do you do when you fall off the wagon?

I know falling off the wagon is usually associated with drinking or other substance abuse, but you can also fall off the wagon in other areas of life.

When you set out to accomplish a goal and fail, it’s very easy to get down on yourself. It’s the perfect opportunity for your inner critic to take center stage and remind you of all the other times you’ve tried and failed and that you’re potentially doomed forever. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

In professional recovery programs, there are steps that they recommend to get individuals back on track, aka, back on the wagon.

Let’s look at a few of the steps.

First and foremost is to be gentle with yourself. While I can’t tell you how you go about being gentle with yourself, I can say that this is the most crucial step. Constantly berating yourself for not living up to your own or someone else’s standards is highly detrimental to your mental wellbeing. Learn to let go of perfection.

The next step is to seek help. You don’t need to get professional help unless, of course, you want to, but finding a person you can confide in or hold you accountable when you’re struggling to stay on track can be a game-changer.

Lastly, take small steps. Consistency is key. While you might occasionally stray off track, you’ll still be directionally correct. Think of it this way. If you spent too much money one day, you wouldn’t set your savings on fire.

So, the next time you find yourself falling off the wagon, be kind and remind yourself you’re human. And find someone to help you get back on track. Remember, being on the wagon can be precarious, but it’s a place you need to be so that you can reach your desired destination.

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Gain Wisdom

No man was ever wise by chance.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

How do you gain wisdom?

Very often, the image of a wise person is an older man or woman that can, as if by magic, impart their wisdom as needed.

Wisdom is usually correlated with age because wisdom is gained through experiences over an extended period of time.

If experiences are the stepping stones to wisdom, and you want to one day benefit from your own wisdom, you must be open to new experiences. You must be willing to step out of your comfort zone.

A good starting point for your journey to wisdom is the admit to yourself that your current knowledge is not definitive or universal. This intentional admission of gaps in your thinking will open you to different and new ideas.

Another step towards gaining wisdom is your ability to unlearn what you already know. The process of unlearning can be challenging because it might force you to change some of your core beliefs – those that are tied to your identity.

Of course, I can’t write about gaining wisdom without mentioning or recommending you seek out mentors or, said differently, people with wisdom. Those that have gone before you and have experienced life and now willing to share their experiences with you.

The wonderful thing about the road to gaining wisdom is it’s a lifelong journey that you can choose to embark on at any point in life, it’s never too late, but the sooner you begin, the more wisdom you’ll gain.

So, set out today on your journey to gain wisdom. Do it not because you want to be known as a wise person. Do it because a life of new experiences, unlearning and re-learning, and spending time with wise people is a sure way to enrich your own life.

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Question the Information

The master key of knowledge is, indeed, a persistent and frequent questioning. Peter Abelard

Where do you source your information?

How do you validate it?

I’ll be the first to agree that it’s impossible to validate all the information that’s needed to navigate a day, let alone a lifetime. And that sometimes there’s a need to blindly trust, or have faith, that the information you’re receiving is accurate at that moment.

But why is it important to think about where you get your information?

Because it’s one of the most powerful influences on how you think and what you think about?

Unfortunately, not all purveyors of information have your best interests at heart. In fact, I would argue that most don’t. The majority of information available to you is designed to coerce and influence you to behave and think in ways that benefit the provider of the information.

Now I know I might be sounding a little conspiratorial, so let me pose a question for you to ponder.

How many newsworthy events do you think occur in a day?

If you consider there are over seven billion people globally, the estimate of newsworthy events would be in the millions. It’s obviously impossible to collect information and report on millions of events, so the conveyers of information must filter down to a select few to share with you.

The question is, how do they decide what they want you to know?

Is their answer based on what’s best for you, or what will keep you coming back to them?

I’m going to bet it’s the latter.

I know it’s tempting to want to stay informed because doing so makes you feel better about yourself. And beats being considered ignorant. But I’m not recommending ignorance. I’m encouraging inquiry and vigilance.

So, as you go through your day consuming information, occasionally pause for a moment, and question the validity of the source. Consider the motives of the purveyor and whose best interests they are seeking to fulfill.

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Pay Yourself First

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first. Norm Kelly

What does it mean to pay yourself first?

If you’re familiar with financial advisors’ advice, you’ll recognize the pay yourself first message.

The idea behind paying yourself first is that you should save a certain amount of money from your income before paying any bills or debts and before spending your money on anything else.

The advisors say pay yourself first because data shows that when you do so, there’s a much greater chance that you’ll save money for the long term and still be able to get by with the money you have leftover.

Now I understand that there are always exceptions to the rule and that there are people that struggle to make ends meet and cannot pay themselves first.

But why am I writing about paying yourself first?

Good question.

Because the pay yourself mentality can also apply to time.

If you don’t allocate time in your day to accomplish projects or tasks that are important to you, then the likelihood of you getting them done is very slim.

Paying yourself first with time is about you intentionally setting aside time instead of taking whatever time might be leftover in your day.

Why is it important to take time out of your day for yourself?

Because if you don’t, sooner or later, you’ll begin to feel as though you’ve lost control of your life and that you’re no longer living for yourself and only answering to the demands and whims of others on your time. And this lack of control of your time will eventually lead to frustration and unhappiness.

So, beginning tomorrow, find a way to identify time on your calendar and pay yourself first. Start with a few minutes and see how you feel. Even though time, unlike money, can’t be saved for use in the future, you’ll find that when you pay yourself first, you’ll begin to experience a richness of time.

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Day Trader

Every single day, you're trading your life for who you're working with and what you do. — John Assaraf

How does it feel to be a day trader?

Now you might be a little confused, and I can understand why.

The term day trader is usually used in the context of an individual that trades stocks daily. They buy and sell their positions with the goal of maximizing short-term profit.

So, why did I ask you about day trading?

Well, because you too are a day trader – in the sense that you are literally trading your days.

The question is, what are you trading your days for?

It’s easy to get lost in your daily routine and lose track of the fact that each day you trade can never be recovered. And while I don’t expect you to micro-analyze every minute of your day, I do suggest that occasionally you take a step back and evaluate how you’re spending your time.

I’m not asking you to evaluate how you’re spending your time because I want you to be more productive. I’m asking because I want you to be more fulfilled. I want you to be more like the day trader and attempt to maximize your daily gains.

Unfortunately, I can’t be prescriptive about how you maximize your daily gains because I don’t know what’s important to you. But I hope you do. And if you don’t, then I hope you take some time to think about what’s important and then, like the day trader that relies on technical analysis, place your bets accordingly.

So, today, be like the day trader and perform some technical analysis on your day. Ask yourself what’s important and relevant to you and work towards trading your day in a way that leaves you feeling fulfilled

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Close the Gap

Personal leadership is the process of keeping your vision and values before you and aligning your life to be congruent with them. Stephen R. Covey

How often do you find yourself in the gap between what you know you should be doing versus what you’re doing?

The gap I referred to is when you’re being incongruent and inconsistent with how you want and know you should live your life.

Before I continue, let me briefly let you off the hook by letting you know that you’re not alone. Even the most disciplined among us tend to occasionally ‘fall of the wagon’ and act in ways that are incongruous and inconsistent with their beliefs.

Closing the gap between what you know you should be doing versus what you do is challenging because the temptation to do what’s easy or alluring is always present.

Doing what’s easy is your natural tendency. Or, said another way, life naturally moves towards entropy – a gradual decline into disorder. And so, you must be consistently vigilant and resist the temptation of always doing what’s easy.

The alluring comes in all forms. From digital distraction to your favorite desserts, all often within arm’s reach. Whether it’s the glow of your phone or the sweet scent of sugar, they’re both designed to tempt you away from what you know you should be doing and towards them. And it’s not only phones and sugar that are sirens, but everything in between that prevents you from staying congruent with your beliefs.

Before I go, let me clarify that I’m not suggesting you lead a hyper-pious life and forgo all the pleasures that life has to offer. What I am recommending is that you add just enough discipline to your life to accomplish and achieve what’s important to you.

So, the next time you find the gap widening between how you’re acting and the person you want to be, look for where you’re being inconsistent and incongruent. Once you’ve identified the gap, add a few guardrails to keep you on track and close the gap between what you’re doing versus what you know you should be doing.

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Change Takes Forever

Change isn’t easy, it takes time. Caroline Kennedy

How long does it take to change?

If you guessed forever because you paid attention to the heading of the blog post, then you’re correct.

But why does it take forever to change?

Well, maybe forever is a slight exaggeration on my behalf, but let’s break it down.

How much time do you have to spend directing a vehicle when driving a car, piloting a plane, or steering a boat?

The answer is, as long as the vehicle is moving, you must keep guiding it. Because, as you might know, if you take your hands and your attention off the vehicle, it will very quickly lose direction.

Before I go on, let me address the issue of autopilot that might be in the back of your mind. Autopilot or even autonomous vehicles replicate human behavior. The automation continuously evaluates the environment and makes the necessary adjustments to ensure the vehicle remains on course.

Change and life are very similar to guiding a vehicle.

For any kind of change to take lasting effect, you must pay constant attention. Because if you don’t, then soon enough, due to the gravitational pull of your natural tendencies, any change you’re seeking to make will, like a vehicle, veer, of course.

If the constant monitoring of change sounds to you like it requires a lot of energy, then you’re correct. But this is where my exaggeration of forever comes into play. Fortunately for you, a part of your brain is very similar to an autopilot. It’s where the power of habit resides.

Change is highly likely to become a habit if you stick with it long enough. How long is long enough? Long enough varies from individual to individual. Regardless of what you read, there is no magic timeline.

So, the next time you attempt to implement change in your life, approach it as if it will take forever. Be vigilant in maintaining the new direction you wish to take. You’ll find that if you stick with it long enough, then eventually you can turn the responsibility of monitoring the change to your autopilot, aka your new habit.

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Mental Hygiene

If the body requires hygiene, then hygiene is compulsory for the mind and soul Dmitry Pisarev

What do you do for mental hygiene?

For dental hygiene, you brush your teeth.

For physical hygiene, you shower.

For your home hygiene, you have a cleaning routine.

But what do you do for your mental hygiene?

It’s unfortunate that mental hygiene doesn’t get taught in school or isn’t emphasized as important until adulthood, and even then, most people don’t engage in regular practice.

Mental hygiene should be prioritized as highly, if not more so, than physical health. Because what’s the point of being in excellent physical health if your mental state is in shambles.

Mental hygiene is about creating practices that help you maintain a healthy emotional balance and wellbeing. It’s not about avoiding or escaping emotions but improving your ability to navigate and better understand your emotional landscape.

So, how do you address your mental hygiene and clean up all the debris that builds up over time?

I’m glad you asked.

The first step is to bring awareness to your actions. I understand that this isn’t always possible, but periodically throughout your day, pay attention to how you’re feeling. Find moments during which you disengage from all inputs and mentally check in with yourself. Practicing regular check-ins with yourself allows you to learn and regulate your emotions.

Next is to learn to let things go. This applies to both tasks and people. When it comes to tasks, you only have a finite amount of time, so learning to prioritize between important and urgent will serve you well. And when it comes to people, carrying grudges or anger affects you as much as, if not more than, the people you’ve targeted with your emotions.

Lastly, and as hokey as it might seem, practice gratitude. Take note that I said practice, meaning, don’t wait for events to be grateful for; practice gratitude for what you already have.

While this is not an exhaustive list, it’s a great starting point for you to begin your mental hygiene journey. And yes, it’s a journey that requires consistent practice.

So, the next time you’re working on your dental or physical hygiene, perform a quick mental check-in and spend a few moments cleaning the part of you that matters the most.

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Look Inward

Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly. Stephen R. Covey

How motivated are you by rewards?

What would you do today if there wasn’t a reward?

No paycheck.

No grades.

No recognition.

No potential for promotion.

No external feedback whatsoever.

What I’m attempting to get to the bottom of is, what are you intrinsically motivated to do?

Why am I asking?

Because if you can tap into what you’re intrinsically motivated to do, then you’ve found one of the secrets to a fulfilled and meaningful life.

When you find activities that you enjoy doing, simply for the love of doing them and not for any external reward or recognition, you’ve tapped into the core of who you are.

The reality is that there are things you will do for external recognition and rewards regardless of how you feel about them because that’s part of the social contract of living in society. But the danger of external rewards is that they are ephemeral. And once you receive one, you very quickly search for the next one.

How do you discover what intrinsically motivates you?

Well, just like any other self-exploration, this requires time and introspection. It requires you to step off the treadmill of daily life and look inward. And while searching within yourself isn’t a requirement of life, it can be extremely rewarding.

So, as you go through your day today, spend some time looking inward. See if you can detach yourself from the continuous seeking of external rewards and experience fulfillment as you begin to explore what you’re intrinsically motivated to do.

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Zero-Sum

I’m not interested in competing with anyone. I hope we all make it.  Erica Cook

How do you feel when people around you succeed?

Do you feel genuine joy for them, or do you experience envy?

Seeing people around you win or get ahead of you in life can be challenging, especially if you let their success define your progress.

One of the reasons you might feel as though one person’s success is a threat to your own progress is that you might be experiencing zero-sum thinking. A part of you might believe that when one person wins, another must lose.

Zero-sum thinking is defined as if one person gains, another loses. And while this kind of thinking is true in sporting events and even in some other areas of life, it’s not a helpful way to go through life.

One of the reasons you might fall into the trap of zero-sum thinking is that you might be viewing life from a short-term gain perspective. And so, you feel the urgency to win or to get what you think you deserve now, in the moment.

Zero-sum thinking can be risky because it can cause you to act in ways that might be detrimental to long-term success. But you justify your behavior because you believe that if you don’t behave a certain way, you’ll lose or lose out.

There might be times in the short term when you will lose if you don’t take the necessary steps to accomplish a task or goal. And zero-sum thinking can be helpful in those circumstances. But life is about the long game.

In the long game of life, cheering, supporting, and even helping others win is much more beneficial for you and the community as a whole. Thinking and acting for the greater good requires you to shift from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance. It requires you to realize that only in very limited circumstances is one person’s gain your loss.

So, the next time you hear of see someone that you feel as though is moving ahead in life at a faster pace than you are, cheer for them and wish them well. Remind yourself that their gain doesn’t take away your ability or opportunity to progress and that life is not a zero-sum game.

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Build Confidence

Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear.
Norman Vincent Peale

How do you build and develop confidence?

Obviously, the level of confidence between individuals varies widely. Some people are genetically predisposed to more confidence while others have less.

But are ways to increase your confidence.

One way to increase your confidence is to practice courage. You practice courage by intentionally stepping out of your comfort zone and exposing yourself to events and situations that cause you anxiety and even fear.

Let me caveat by saying that I am not recommending you put yourself in harm’s way, mentally or physically.

There are ways that you can relatively safely put yourself in physically and mentally challenging situations but have a high probability of causing you no immediate harm.

Take bungee jumping, for example. When a person leaps from the top of a bridge or crane strapped to a large bungee cord, their body experiences all the sensations of a free fall that could lead to severe injuries or even death in any other circumstance. The anxiety and fear are real and must be overcome before they leap.

You don’t have to start by participating in bungee jumping or any other physical activity that might seem extreme to you to build your confidence. For you, it could be baby steps, simple, out-of-the-norm activities that help increase your level of confidence.

Maybe for you, something simple, like talking to strangers or driving an unknown route, any action that causes you to feel a little anxious is a good place to start. And who knows, with enough time and baby steps, you might end up at the end of a bungee cord.

The wonderful thing about building confidence is that it’s a transferable skill. While not transferable to all situations, it does enable you to turn down your anxiety response.  

So, the next time you find yourself getting anxious about a situation, instead of avoiding it, recall another time when you practiced courage. Use that feeling to remind you of what you’re capable of and to increase your confidence as you take on the new challenge.

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