Raj Daniels

Who is going to do it for you?

Who is going to get your life in order?

Who is going to address all the challenges you have?

Well, there’s good news and bad news. The good news is that no one but you can fix or improve your life, and the bad news is, hopefully, you’ve guessed by now that the bad news is that only you can fix or improve your life.

Yes, there might be people that show up in your life that can give you advice or perhaps even point you in the right direction, but ultimately it’s going to be you that has to take action. Your life is a DIY project. You can acquire all the tools, tricks, and tips you need, but ultimately it’s going to be you that has to put in the work.

The sooner you realize that your life is your responsibility the better off you’ll be. This does not mean you don’t seek out help when you need it, on the contrary, I recommend you learn to access every resource available to you, and once you have the resource in hand, go to work on yourself as soon as you can.

Now I understand that at first the idea of a DIY life might seem burdensome, but if you view it from a different perspective you’ll also find it freeing. Just like a DIY project you get to design and build the best life that you can for yourself. So roll your sleeves up and get to work on your life today. I promise that it’ll be the most important DIY project you’ll ever do.

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Who’s your boss?

Who do you have to answer to?

The reality is that although you might have a person where you’re employed that can ask you to do a task and has the title of being the boss, he or she is not your boss. You are the boss of you. This is not to say that there won’t be consequences if you don’t abide by certain rules or guidelines that an employer has established, but ultimately you are your own master.

The quicker you can grasp this idea of being your own master and taking charge of your own life, the better of you’ll be. The sooner you come to grips with the idea that you need to do what you think is necessary in order for you to feel successful and satisfied, the better of you’ll be. Let me clarify that you’ll better off from a mental and perhaps even from a spiritual point of view.

You see, when you come to grips with that fact that you are indeed your own boss then you’ll begin to invest your time and energy into actions that will give you the greatest returns. If you think about the boss of any organization, then you know that their number one priority is to use the resources they have to get returns and add value to their organization because if they don’t the organization perishes.

So saddle up, grab the reigns of your life, and start acting like the boss that you are. By the way, I’m using the word boss and master interchangeably because the word boss comes from the Dutch word baas, which means master. So if you don’t like the word or idea of being your own boss, I hope you like the idea of being your own master.

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What do you feel that you were made to do?

What activity or work do you do that makes you feel alive?

How can you design your life so that you can do more of the work that you were made to do?

Impossible you say?

Yes, you’re correct if by impossible you’re saying that you can’t do what you’re made to do all the time. But what if you could do what you were made to do at least for a few hours a day. How would that feel? Just imagine for those few hours a day just how alive you’d feel. You’d dream about those hours and look forward to them every day, just so that you could experience being in that zone of doing what you’re made for.

It’s hard to find activities or work that you feel as though you’re made to do, that’s why you’ll find that the majority of people you speak to don’t love what they do. Finding work that you’re made to do is work itself, it involves taking risks and trying different things. You have to be willing to put up with criticism and on occasion, feeling lost until you eventually land on the work that brings you alive.

Is it worth the hassle to find work that you’re made to do?

That’s a question only you can answer for yourself, but from me, you’d hear a resounding yes. You can go through life just fine without finding what you were made to do, but deep down you’ll always have this nagging feeling that you should have at least tried to find what you were made to do, or even worse, you knew what you made to do, but it didn’t carry the right prestige or financial reward, so you ignored or suppressed the feeling.

The good news is that if you’re reading this then there’s still time for you to do what you were made to do. Even if you only have time to spend a few hours a week dabbling in what you were made to do, those few hours will be the most energizing and refreshing hours of your week. So go for it. It’ll prevent you from reaching the end of your life and feeling the regret that you didn’t do the work you were made to do.

Who will you hold the door open for?

Who has held the door open for you?

Whether you realize it or not, there have been countless people that have allowed you to reach this point in your life. Individuals that gave selflessly so that the generations that followed them could benefit from their generosity. These are the individuals that have held the door open for you. Now it’s your turn.

Hopefully, by now you’ve realized that holding the door open is a metaphor for reaching back and helping someone else that is less fortunate or doesn’t have the same access to opportunities as you do.

Holding the door open doesn’t have to mean committing to a life of selfless giving and prioritizing others over yourself, it’s not an all or nothing act. All it means is that you’re conscious and grateful for whatever opportunities you’ve had in your life and that you’re willing to share, you’re willing to say that there’s room here for one more.

So as you go through your day, think about opportunities in your life where you can hold the door for someone that you think can use a helping hand, someone that’s working hard and trying to get their foot in the door but hasn’t been able to do so. Once you get in the habit of holding the door open for others whenever you can, you’ll soon begin to realize and hopefully appreciate just how many people have held the door open for you.

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What action can you take today that you’re future you would thank you for?

Although the future is indeed unpredictable, you have the ability to control or at least influence a small part of it. You have the ability to take a few small actions today and every day that increase the probability that your future will be one that you can enjoy and benefit from. I intentionally said increase the probability and not guarantee because the twins, chance and luck will play a role in your life just as they do in everyone’s life.

Identifying with a future version of you is difficult because although you’re blessed with a vivid imagination, there’s still a disconnection between who you are today and how you’ll be in the future. And so you behave as though you’ll always be the way you are in the present and that you have time to take care of future you. But the time between present you and the future you will soon evaporate.

The challenge in improving the life of the future you is in convincing your present self that your future you is worth investing in. So the question is, do you think your future you is worth investing time and effort today? Or said another way, what can you do today to make just a little easier for you in the future?

Take time to think about future you and then start taking actions that will increase the probability of future you being the person you imagine yourself to be. Get started today, your future you will be grateful you did.

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How often do you find yourself focusing on uncertainty and worrying about things that haven’t yet happened?

I’m specifically asking about uncertainty, because the only things you can be certain about are physical, tangible objects. Everything else, as the Buddhists say, is just an illusion.

Uncertainty is only as heavy or worrying as the importance or weight you give to it. This might sound hard to believe, and your inner disagreeable monster might be challenging me right now, and that’s okay, because whether you agree or not, it’s still true.

When you find yourself stressed or worried about uncertain situations train yourself to realize that your concern is only in your head and has not yet manifested into reality. And that you have the power to re-evaluate your perspective on any situation, especially those that haven’t occurred yet. Alleviating concern about the future is not a license or does not give you freedom from planning and thinking about it, in fact, the sooner you can clear your head from worrying, the sooner you can use your mental capacity to generate ideas and plans to deal with situations that you think might arise.

So the next time you find yourself overly concerned or indulging in worrying about an uncertain future, remind yourself that is hasn’t happened yet, and might never do so. Remind yourself that it’s all a movie playing out in your head and you’re not required to watch it and can hit pause or stop whenever you want. Save yourself from thinking about all that hasn’t happened, and bring yourself back to what’s happening right now.

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How audacious are you?

The BHAG stands for Big Hairy Audacious Goal, an idea conceptualized in the book, “Built to Last: Successful Habits of Visionary Companies” by James Collins and Jerry Porras. According to Collins and Porras, a BHAG is a long-term goal that changes the very nature of a business’ existence.

As you can see, the A represents the world audacious, but what does it mean to be audacious? Well, let’s dive back to the dictionary and see what we find. Audacious, showing a willingness to take surprisingly bold risks. Surprisingly bold risks, now doesn’t that sound lovely.

When was the last time you took a surprisingly bold risk and pursued an audacious goal?

Depending on you who you are and your personality, there’s an obvious range both in surprising and bold. But when was the last time you did something totally out of character, totally beyond what you or anyone that knows you thought you would do? And yes, for the sake of this conversation we’re talking about actions that in most cases would be considered legal and not deliberately harming another person.

So, why the need for an audacious goal?

Because pursuing audacious goals pulls you forward and requires that you take bold action. They require you to break current molds and behavior patterns and drive yourself into new unknown territory. They require you to risk failure and dwell in uncertainty.

Audacious goals are not for the weak of mind or heart. They require courage. They require you to take the first step without being sure where your second step will land. They require you to take risks with the potential for disappointment. They require you to leave behind your current you for the new, different version of you. None of this is easy, but this is the price you have to pay if you want to achieve your audacious goals.

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Show me your first draft.

Tell me about your new ideas or project.

I know you have them.

How do I know?

Because its human nature, we’re all designed for growth, and growth stems from ideas. I know you have an idea or project rolling in around in your mind trying to find its way out, but you’re hesitating to share them.

Why do you hesitate?

Because you’re not being encouraged to share them. Or, you’re remembering back to what happened the last time you shared an unfinished piece of work, or a half-baked idea. It was dismissed as not good enough or a ‘that will never work,’ from someone that you respected, but in reality new nothing more than you did.  

Well, maybe today’s the day you decide no more. Today is the day you’re finally going to give life to your idea. You’re going to start with a first draft. Not a perfect fully baked idea, but a small outline, a brief description, just a line or two describing what it is you want to bring to life. And the most important thing is that you’re not going to share it with anyone yet. You’re going to protect it, at least for now. You’re going to allow it to take its first breaths in your safety before you show it to the world. You’re going to allow your idea and yourself to develop resilience against the critics and naysayers that you’ll inevitably encounter.

Once you’re ready then it’s time to find allies, others that have struggled in bringing ideas and projects to life. Those that understand that while it’s true that not all ideas are good or viable ideas, that no one really knows which ones will fail or succeed and just how big of a role luck plays in ideas and projects succeeding. Find those that know that the first draft is not the final draft and the thing you need most during the precarious moments of bringing a new idea to life is encouragement and an offer to help, not an unqualified naysayer telling you it will never work.

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How often do you play the blame game?

How often do you hold other people responsible for the way you feel?

Are you an amateur or professional blamer?

Honestly, it doesn’t matter what your blame game skill level is, the blame game is one that you’ll never win. Yes, blaming someone else for how you feel might feel good in the moment and perhaps you even feel justified in doing so, but the reality is that you are always responsible for how you feel.

My accusation of you being responsible for how feel might seem a little harsh at first, but I implore you to not just react but take some time to really think about it. You have to trust that I have your best interest at heart and that I have nothing to gain or lose by pointing out your responsibility.

You see, if you let other people’s actions dictate your emotions then essentially, you’re just like a puppet on a string waiting for the next puppet master to pull your strings. And if don’t take responsibility for your own emotions then your life will be full of puppet masters just waiting to pull the strings of your emotions.

So try to quit the blame game as soon as you can, or at least learn not to participate as often. The best way to do this is to give less control to professional puppet masters you’ll encounter in life. And yes, at times you might come across a little emotionally aloof to those around you, but deep down you’ll know it’s not because you don’t care, you’re just choosing not to play and don’t want to give someone else an opportunity to pull your emotional strings.

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Ring, ring.

When are you going to answer your wake-up call?

What wake-up call you ask?

The wake-up ca call that’s unique to you. It’s that nagging feeling inside of you that’s trying to tell you that you need to do something different. It’s your body, your mind, your intuition sending you a message that things aren’t well and you need to change.

It could be a call to change your health, your relationships, your finances, your career, and the call has been ringing for a while now, but you’ve decided not to answer. But just because you didn’t answer, hit the snooze, or just outright ignore the call doesn’t mean the call the goes away. In fact, the call will get louder over time, but you’ll only hear when you’re not distracted and alone in your thoughts.

Whatever your wake-up call is, the sooner you answer and address it, the better off you’ll be. Putting it off will only delay the inevitable. So the next time you hear your wake-up call, pay attention and answer it as soon as you can. Yes, there’s a chance it could be a wrong number and that’s great, but it could also be a really important message that tells you, now’s the time wake up and take action.  

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When was the last time you checked your ego at the door?

While you can’t physically check or leave your ego at the door, you can on occasion intentionally disarm your ego.

At your core, your ego is how you view yourself. It’s your identity. And what happens when someone attacks or implies that a part of your identity is mistaken or just outright wrong? Well, if you’re like most people then it hurts your feelings and you move into a defensive and protective mode. And this mode can be a number of things, all the way from shutting down emotionally to physically lashing out.

Detaching yourself or dropping your ego is by no means an easy thing to do, but it’s almost a necessary ingredient for personal growth. In order to receive feedback or improve in any area of your life, you have to be open to the idea that you’re either doing something incorrectly or that there’s room for improvement. You have to be open to changing how you see yourself, which is, of course, easier said than done.

You have to decide if your goal in life is to get better or be right. While being right in the moment might feel good, it doesn’t move you forward. Holding on to your ego all costs will limit your life experiences and ultimately your life because you will remain tied to one identity of yourself. But once you decide to check your ego your at the door you’ll free yourself from your self-identified constraints and experience a fuller and richer life.

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Invest in your future.

Invest in your education.

Invest in your health.

Invest in your relationships.

Invest, invest, and invest.

What does it mean to invest?

Here’s one definition, devote (one’s time, effort, or energy) to a particular undertaking with the expectation of a worthwhile result. And while’s there no mention of money in this definition, money is or will be to some extent a result of how you spend your time, effort and energy. Oh, and before you say or think it, I know and agree that time and money are not the same.

So, if you’re going to spend so much of your life investing, how much time should you spend evaluating your investments? And what would you deem to be a worthwhile return?

If you were asked to invest a significant amount of money into a financial endeavor or into the stock market, how much analysis would you do? How many experts would you speak to? Whose advice would you seek?

Adopting an investor mindset doesn’t mean that you have to over-analyze each and every action and interaction you have, but it does mean that you should consider being more diligent and prudent in the choices you make in the ‘big’ or more important areas of your life. Take relationships for example. Whether the relationship is platonic or romantic, there is information and tools out there that can help you improve the quality of your relationships, but you have to spend the time and energy to do so.

I’m not suggesting you remove all spontaneity from life and only make decisions based on analysis. What I am recommending is that since you’re going to invest your life in certain activities, learn from those that have lived before you. Spend time evaluating the major areas of your life and spend some time thinking like an investor. Remember, if investing is about getting worthwhile results then wouldn’t the best result be living a life that’s worth your while?

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How can you be indefatigable?

It’s true that you can’t be indefatigable physically or mentally, because they rely on a different kind of fuel and rest cycle, but your spirit for life doesn’t need to succumb to fatigue.

If you’ve been open to life then you’ve seen and read stories about people that have struggled tirelessly to accomplish their goals and missions. You’re familiar with the tales of Earhart, Gandhi, Mandela, and many more, some paying the ultimate price with their lives in order to pursue life work.

How did they do it?

Sure there were occasions when they tired physically and mentally, we all do, but their spirits stayed true and aligned because they were driven by a purpose bigger than themselves.

Having an indefatigable spirit doesn’t mean that you will not have difficult days or that things will be any easier for you, it does mean that when you do eventually bump up against hard times, knowing your purpose will energize your spirit and pull you through.

You might have heard some form of the quote “find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life,” and while this might be partially true, it often misinterpreted as work should or will be easy, which is rarely the case. The reason it’s called work is that it requires effort and expending effort is tiring. Even when you’re fortunate enough to find work that you enjoy, it’ll be your untiring spirit that will continue to bring you back to it.

Once you find your purpose, and identify your personal why, you’ll begin to experience buoyancy in your spirit that will carry you through your difficult days. You’ll find that even though there will be days when you’re mentally and physically exhausted, your spirit will remain strong, unfatigued, and will keep you on your path.

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Why wouldn’t you at least try?

Try for what?

Whatever it is you want to do.

Sound too risky?

Maybe, but how will you ever really know how risky it is until you give it a shot?

It doesn’t have to be a ‘big’ try, or a public try, just a small attempt, dipping your toe in the pool if you will.

What’s the worst that can happen?

You decide it’s not for you and you stop.

Fantastic!

At least you tried.

The try, the attempt, the first move you make towards what you want or want to do will always be the most intimidating. The space between you and your first move is known as the dream killer. It’s where ideas, desires, and wants have died before they even had the chance to see the light of day.

Trying something new is filled with uncertainty, and if given the opportunity the ‘what ifs’ will paralyze you and prevent you from moving forward. So you’ll need to learn to beat, bury, and ignore them when they arise, if not, you’ll never even begin to try.

If there’s something you’ve been thinking about doing, then there’s no better time than now to give it a try. Take the smallest action as soon as you can and experience the excitement of going from wanting to do, to doing.

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How generous can you be today?

Generous with your feelings, your belongings, your financial resources, perhaps even with your time?

The act of being generous with what you have and own is absolutely a reflection of the kind of person you are and while your generosity might help another person, there’s actually a greater reward in it for you.

Studies have shown that generous individuals live a happier and more fulfilled life because the act of giving makes people feel better about themselves. So if you’re still on the fence about being generous then you can begin by doing it for selfish reasons.

The sheer act of giving lets you know that you have enough and subtly also tells you that you have hope that there’s more out there for you. Being generous and giving transitions you from a mindset of scarcity to one of abundance. So while being generous helps others, it actually is even more beneficial for you.

Another benefit of being generous is that when you give to others it shifts your focus from you them and reminds you that we’re all connected.

So start today with a mindset of generosity and look for ways to give to others. You might be surprised to see how far a little generosity can go towards improving their lives and ultimately your own.

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What do you think about the idea of assuming another person’s identity?

Wait, before we go any further, let me clarify.

I’m not recommending or suggesting you assume someone else’s identity in a nefarious, criminal sort of way. Okay, now that I have that disclaimer in place lets continue.

An individual’s identity is constructed from a combination of character traits and qualities, some inherent, and others that are learned over time. Identity is also developed consciously and subconsciously. There are behaviors and traits that you internalized because you wanted to be similar to those that were around you during your formative years so that you would be liked and loved. But some of those early learned behaviors might no longer be serving you well.

So what to do now?

Here’s how assuming aspects of another person’s identity can be helpful. Let me be clear in saying that I’m not asking you to lose yourself or forget who you are. What I am recommending is that if there’s a person or people that have certain qualities you admire then adopt those qualities for yourself.

As a child, you didn’t have the intellectual wherewithal to ask or introspect into who you are and so the majority of your identity formed essentially by accident, or better said, in relation to the circumstances in which you grew up. But it doesn’t have to remain that way.

Changing how you identify with yourself is not easy. Not only is the behavior change difficult but in some cases, you’ll feel as though you’re being fake and betraying who you really are, but that’s not true. Remember, your identity formed as a child as a response to your environment. And if that childhood built identity is holding you back then now might be a good time assume some new qualities and change your identity.

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What do think about making today an easy day for you?

Hopefully, you like the idea. So here’s how you do it, do only what you can and not an ounce more. That’s it, that’s all you have to do.

If that sounds too simple and that there might be a catch, then your correct because if you’re like most people then you really don’t know how much you can really do. Where’s the line, the limit to what you can get done in a day? Yes, there are obvious markers of time and physical exhaustion that might prevent you from doing more, but besides those, there really is no telling how much you can get done.

There is a clear distinction between the things you can do and the things that need to be done. And there will be times when you can’t or will not be able to do everything that needs to be done, and that’s okay, as long as you know you did as much you could.

Keep in mind that doing what you can do is not about quantity, it’s about progress, it’s about moving the needle forward on projects and tasks that are important to you. Once you adopt the mindset of doing all that you can do, then you’ll begin to reap the benefits of compounded effort over time. So set off on your day today and do what you can, and enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that today you did all that you could.

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What does integrity mean to you?

The most common definition of integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching. It’s a great definition and can serve you well in life, but what about self-integrity?

Self-integrity is not based on external commitments to those around you, but to yourself. It’s centered on the question, how well do I keep the commitments I make to myself?

Commitments that you make to yourself are just as important, if not more important than those you make to others. While breaking commitments to others will break their level of trust in you, breaking commitments with yourself erodes trust in yourself, which also leads to a decline in self-confidence.

It’s easy to break commitments you’ve made to yourself, especially if you haven’t shared those commitments with anyone else because essentially you’re performing in private and not in public. And when no one is watching it’s easy to give yourself an ‘out.’ But the ‘outs’ add up and make for a slippery slope.

Self-integrity is all about doing what you’ve told yourself you’re going to do. It’s about commitment and holding yourself accountable. And once you get in the habit of keeping your commitments to yourself you’ll experience and feel your confidence grow.

So the next time you make a commitment to yourself, stick to it. And yes, there are always exceptions and of course, if it’s not working for you then you’re allowed to change your mind, but make it the exception and not the norm. Remember, keeping your commitments to others is great, because they’ll think well of you, but keeping commitments to yourself is even more important, because what and how you think about yourself will determine how you live the rest of your life.

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How much space do you create for yourself during your day?

If you’re like most people then you’re probably hopping from task to task, from the time you wake up until your head hits your pillow. And when you’re not engaged in a task, you’re probably trying to fill your time with some other activity. This constant filling of space can often lead to the feeling of not having enough time and can, if continued for a long period of time, lead you to feel stressed and overwhelmed.

Actively creating space, or buffers for yourself throughout your day is a great way to relieve some of the tension of daily life. Instead of constantly moving between your to-do’s give yourself a break. Take time to recalibrate and allow your mind to digest the prior activity and to settle a little before putting it to work on the next task. And just to be clear, taking a break doesn’t mean seek out some other form of entertainment or distraction, it means for a few minutes do as close to nothing as possible.

At first, the idea of creating space for yourself might seem farfetched or if you’re a type-A personality, then it might even sound irresponsible, but very often and if done correctly you’ll find that you can actually do more by doing less. Pushing yourself from task to task eventually leads to diminishing returns on your energy, but if you give yourself some time to rest and recuperate then you’ll find an increase in return on your energy investment.

So create some space in your schedule today. Build in a buffer between tasks and do as little as possible during that time. Let’s see how much tension you can relieve from your day.

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How much time do you spend dwelling on events from your past?

Yes, I’m sure there are memories of events that serve you well, but what about the ones that are no longer of use to you, the ones that bring you pain or even hold you back?

Here’s a beautiful short tale of two monks and a woman that is a well-known Buddhist parable about living in the present and leaving the past behind.

The story goes that two monks were traveling together, a senior and a junior. They came to a river with a strong current where a young woman was waiting, unable to cross alone. She asks the monks if they would help her across the river. Without a word and in spite of the sacred vow he’d taken not to touch women, the older monk picks her up, crosses, and sets her down on the other side.

The younger monk joins them across the river and is aghast that the older monk has broken his vow but doesn’t say anything. An hour passes as they travel on. Then two hours. Then three. Finally, the now quite agitated younger monk can stand it no longer: “Why did you carry that women when we took a vow as monks not to touch women?”

The older monk replies, “I set her down hours ago by the side of the river. Why are you still carrying her?”

The story is a wonderful reminder of how you can leave what happened in the past in the past and not dwell on it.

Memories from past events can and will affect how you behave today, it’s just normal, but the choice of whether or not to ruminate on certain events that no longer serve you is yours. I understand that what I’m suggesting is easier said than done, but if freeing yourself from past events allows you to be more present today and can improve your future, then, just maybe it’s worth the effort to do so.

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