Raj Daniels

What’s the thing you know you should do today?

The thing that you know if you did on a consistent basis would change your life.

But, for whatever reason, you say ‘not today.’

Because you’re busy today, not feeling well, or have other priorities, whatever the reason, you convince yourself that you’ll do it tomorrow.

The problem is, if you don’t do it today, it will be easier not to do it tomorrow. The reason for this is that you don’t see the crack forming between the person you want to be and the person you’re becoming until it becomes a chasm. And crossing the chasm, although possible, requires significantly more effort.

Today might not be the perfect day to do the thing you need to do, but at least give it a shot. Try it, start it, show up for it. Get your brain primed for it. Perfect days are few and far between, and you only know they’re perfect in hindsight.

So whatever the thing is, you know you need to do that’s going to move you towards the person you want to be, do it now. Ask yourself, what would future me have to do today to be the person I want to be?

Embody the future you today, because if not today, then when?

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On the one hand, you could do this.

On the other hand, you could do that.

But what about the third hand?

Well, that one is wide open with possibility.

Often, what appears to be limited choices is merely an illusion. Limited choices are easier for your brain to process, but they also limit your other options.

When you find yourself in a position where you’re being asked to decide between limited options, learn to ask, Why? 

You see, many times when you’re presented with limited options, it’s because it’s easier or more convenient for the person presenting you with the options, not because there isn’t more available.

Asking what else is there? Moves you beyond your current constraints – it expands your mental universe. And the interesting thing is that when you ask your brain to look for other options, it will begin to do so. Now, you might not always find other choices you like, or you might settle on one of your original options, but at least you made the effort to explore.

Getting into the habit of looking outside of what’s readily available not only increases your options but can also move you to be more creative. Of course, if the decisions you need to make are trivial and the outcomes will not materially affect your life, then feel free to choose from the first or second-hand choices and leave the third-hand for other, more consequential decisions.

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What is your personal scheduled maintenance plan?

Your car, home, and even some of your appliances and devices have scheduled maintenance programs and requirements that enable them to last longer, and more importantly, provide you with the best performance.

If scheduled maintenance is essential for inanimate objects, doesn’t it make sense that you, too, should have a personal maintenance schedule?

Your body and mind experience stress daily, and if not correctly cared for, will eventually break down. Maybe even worse than breaking down, they will begin to perform poorly. At first, you may not notice, because it will happen slowly. Then one day, you’ll wake up to find yourself unable to perform even simple mental and physical tasks.

Taking into account that factors outside of your control may cause an unfortunate accident or illness, there’s a lot you can do to maintain a level of well-being for yourself. And it doesn’t take much. You don’t have to spend hours in the gym or partake in extreme diets to ensure good physical health. You also don’t have to trek to the top of a mountain to achieve mental peace, unless, of course, you want to.

A few scheduled minutes of mental and physical exercise a day, in conjunction with a relatively healthy diet, is all you really need. Nothing extreme, because in most cases, extreme is unsustainable.

Schedule a maintenance plan for yourself. Add it to your calendar so that you’re reminded on a regular basis to take care of yourself. Who knows? If you do this long enough, you might outlast and outperform your appliances.

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Couldn’t be better.

Good.

Fantastic.

Fine.

Wonderful.

These and more are the responses you’ll get most often when you ask the question, How’s it going?

Welcome to the masquerade party.

The party where so many are wearing masks because they fear being vulnerable. They fear being judged or ridiculed. They fear what you might think of them.

So, how do you get past the mask to the real person?

You take off your own mask.

You share what you’re going through. You share your hardships, your struggles, your story, and you reveal your humanity. You expose your own vulnerabilities.

This doesn’t mean you walk around sharing and telling all your deepest darkest fears and secrets to everyone, but it does mean that when appropriate, you share.

The more you interact with people, the more you’ll realize that so many lives are being held together with duct tape and prayers. And behind the thin veneer of the, I’m fine and things are good responses, people are experiencing some of the same concerns as you, and much more.

Masquerade parties can be fun, but after some time, all the masks and not knowing who’s behind them get old and tiring. Eventually, you’re ready to take off your mask and see who’s behind all the other masks, but no one wants to go first. No one wants to be the first one not wearing a mask.

The same holds true in life. If you don’t occasionally take off your mask, you won’t create a safe space for the other person to take off their mask either, thereby limiting the opportunity for you both to form a meaningful connection.

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Have you ever met the vacation version of you?

If you have, then you know exactly who I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the version of you that can express beyond your usual inhibitions, the version of you that’s maybe a little, or in some cases, a lot more adventurous than your everyday version. The version of you that’s willing to try new things or speak and interact with new people without hesitation.

Now, why is there a difference between the vacation version of you and the everyday version of you?

Because the vacation version of you isn’t bound by the same environment as the regular version of you, it’s almost as though the vacation version has escaped gravity.  Even though you’re technically the same person, you’re able to act and be different. You’re your own version of Jekyll and Hyde.

Now, why can’t you summon up the vacation you on demand?

I’m sure you can, but you probably don’t think it’s appropriate to act as though you’re on vacation when you’re not.

And you’re correct. That is, if you’re doing it all the time.

But occasionally?

You have access to all kinds of personalities and roles within you, and once in a while, changing up who you are allows you to have different experiences. Now, this is not a call to abdicate responsibility. It’s just a suggestion that occasionally lets the vacation you to show up during regular you time and enjoy the shift in your experiences and perspective.

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When was the last time you knowingly conducted an experiment?

I say knowingly because you’re conducting micro-experiments more frequently than you think you are.

Unfortunately, too often and mistakenly so, the idea of experiments is relegated to the world of science, or they are thought of as something only children and young adults do.

But that’s a mistake.

Life is, and dare I say, should be viewed as a set of ongoing experiments. And since you’re already conducting experiments informally, why not add some rigor to your process?

But how, you ask?

Well, let me help you out.

The scientific method is one of the most popular ways to conduct an experiment formally and can be an excellent guide for you to start with.

Step 1- Question -The thing you want to know or to happen.

Step 2-Research – Here, you gather information about things that are already known about your topic.

Step 3-Hypothesis – What do you think will happen during or at the end of your experiment?

Step 4-Experiment – Conduct your experiment.

Step 5-Observations – Collect data and information from your experiment.

Step 6-Results/Conclusion – What you learned by conducting your experiment.

These steps are not carved in stone and aren’t the only method to conduct experiments, but they are a great starting point.

So, choose an area of your life that you’ve struggled with, or are open to changing, and apply a formal experiment process. What you learn about yourself might surprise you. And of course, you don’t have to share with anyone that you’re experimenting. We can keep that between us.

Happy experimenting and learning!

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What’s your first conscious thought when you wake up?

Is your brain already cycling through your to-do list?

Have you already moved into full anxiety mode, and you’re concerning yourself over things that haven’t occurred yet?

Are you ruminating over a past event or incident?

Are you detesting or embracing the new day?

If you’ve recently experienced a traumatizing event or are under an extraordinary amount of stress due to a unique situation, controlling your morning emotions and thoughts can be extremely challenging. But if it’s just another day in your life, then your waking moments present you with a wonderful opportunity.

The first few moments of your day might be the only time when no outside forces are making immediate demands on your time. Upon awakening, as you lie there adjusting to the new day, you have an almost perfect opportunity to express and experience a sense of gratitude for all that you have. You have the opportunity to think kind, loving thoughts about yourself and those close to you. You have the chance to direct the first conscious thoughts of your day.

The act of waking up can be beautiful. The transition from a death-like slumber to life is a very tender moment and should be held in high regard. I’m not saying you should deny or ignore any real feelings or situations you’re experiencing; what I am suggesting is that you put them on hold, just for a few waking moments.

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When was the last time you experienced a change in your life?

If you said right now, then you are correct.

As you read this, cells in your body are continuously changing. They are growing, degrading, and even dying; it’s just that you can’t feel it happening.

The range at which change occurs is between the speed of light and at a glacial pace. And just like the cells in your body, you rarely experience either end of the vast change spectrum. 

Things that might appear solid or even permanent are also undergoing change. There’s decay, entropy, and growth taking place right in front of your eyes, yet it’s not visible to you.

Change is essentially another word for impermanence. And life is impermanent.

Anything you’re experiencing right now is not permanent, although it might feel as though it is. Joy, stress, and any moment’s experience are fleeting. However, it’s just human nature to want to hold on to the joyous moments, squeeze them for all they have, and rush to escape and avoid the stress.

Avoiding change is impossible and is a fool’s errand. Learning to cope with change is a much better strategy. One way to cope with sudden, unwanted change is to evaluate the situation and identify the aspects you can control. Finding a few good footholds you can rely on to support you while you endure the change is one strategy that can help you work through unwelcome change.

Change is the ultimate surprise package. It’s the one thing that doesn’t last, yet happens forever. Learning to handle and work with change is a skill that will serve you well for a lifetime of change.

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How often do you set your intentions for your day?

Now I understand that you can’t foresee everything that will happen during your day, but you can still start your day with a thought or two that will prime your mind for your day.

Setting intentions for yourself when you start your day allows you to choose where your attention will be focused throughout the day. Now, some might argue that if you select where you focus, you’re biasing your outlook, and I would happily agree with them. The question I would have for them is, would you rather bias your own outlook or have external forces do it for you?

Setting intentions can shift you from reactive to proactive in certain situations. For example, if you set out today with the intention of doing, let’s say, three good deeds, then your mind will look for opportunities to execute those deeds. Now, we’re not measuring the size of the deed here, just the act of doing.

Setting your intentions at the beginning of your day gives you a north star for your attention. It provides you with a little bit of clarity amongst all the unpredictable things that can occur throughout your day. Again, setting an intention is not to preempt your natural emotions or reactions. It’s to provide you with opportunities for action.

Ultimately, your collective intentions are the scaffold upon which you build your life; as it has been so eloquently said, your life is a collection of your days. So set an intention or two when you start your day and begin to build the framework for your life.

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How much time do you spend shopping?

Not consuming, but just browsing and looking. And while you look, you’re being sold too and sold.

Here’s a brief timeline of how shopping evolved.

Farms.

Door to door.

Bazaars and markets.

Stores.

Catalogues with home delivery. The first time you could browse and have it delivered.

Malls and shopping centers. Where you had to go to see what was available physically.

And now, there’s 24-hour access—not only for you to shop but also for the sellers to access your mind.

As long as you interact with almost any digital platform – you’re being sold to and sold. Even if you don’t need anything, you’re being reminded or told you do.

You’re on an endless cycle of being sold to. And being in a state of constant consumption is eroding our collective minds. A continuous consumption mindset not only increases financial pressures, but perhaps even more importantly, it consumes so much of your attention.

Right now, as you read this, you are looking at a block of text that doesn’t have any advertising aimed at you. Nothing reminds you that you could or should be either purchasing or considering purchasing one more thing. In fact, this might be the only thing you read today that doesn’t show you an ad or collect your information to sell to an advertiser so that they can sell you something in the future.

However, there is some hypocrisy in my writing because I, too, am trying to sell you. I’m attempting to sell you on the concept of stopping being continuously sold and sold to.

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10 Steps to achieve anything

Okay.

Ready.

Here they are.

1. Do something

2. Learn from it

3. Do something

4. Learn from it

Are you sensing a pattern?

5. Do something

6. Learn from it

Do you think you have the hang of it?

Only 4 steps left.

7. Do something

8. Learn from it

9. Do something

And you guessed it.

10. Learn from it

That’s it!

You did it!

Congratulations!

You can now accomplish anything you set out to do.

Wait!

You didn’t think I was actually going to give you the steps.

Or did you?

The fact is, I hardly know you.

So, how would I know what would work for you?

Every time you read a 3-step guide to X or a 5-easy steps to Y, you’re essentially following the same guidelines as the ones I wrote for you.

Life is rarely cut out into a neat step-by-step process that works for everyone, yet the demand for a step-by-step process to achieve goals and accomplish things is extremely high.

Why?

Because it’s easier than ambiguity.

The hard truth is that for almost anything you will achieve in life, you will have to figure it out yourself. Yes, there are unlimited resources that you can find to help you along the way, but it’s always going to boil down to step one: do something, step two: learn from it, and then, of course, do something.

Depending on what you’re trying to accomplish, sometimes there might only be two steps, and at other times there might be an unlimited number. Ultimately, it’s going to boil down to you taking it step by step.

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How quickly do you slip into self-protection mode?

If you’re not sure what self-protection is, let me help you. It’s the opposite of self-exposure. Essentially, self-protection is defense, and self-exposure is vulnerability. If you’ve ever allowed yourself to share your true feelings with another person, then you’re operating under self-exposure.

As a child, your emotional distance between these two states usually starts out very wide, but as you move through life into adulthood, the distance narrows based on your experiences. 

When you’re in self-protection mode, you’re always looking for danger or threats, whether real or perceived. You feel as though people and situations are always out to get you, and this feeling causes you to close up and become emotionally inaccessible.

One of the most detrimental effects of self-protection mode is disconnection between you and others, and the reason it’s bad for you is that we as a species are designed for connection.

Letting go of being in self-protection mode can be difficult, especially if, based on your past experiences, you feel as though it has served you well. And it might have, but it also has you in a state of constant mental defense. It sets up emotional boundaries that don’t let others in, but also don’t let you out.

Moving from operating in a self-protection mode to self-exposure can be a challenging transition, but doing so will allow you to experience deeper and more fulfilling relationships. Vulnerability is complex and emotionally risky, and self-protection can appear to be the safe route to take. But it’s also hollow, unfulfilling, and the constant pressure of guarding yourself because you feel as though the world is against you is a hard way to go through life. So, consider the alternative.

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Humor me for a minute.

Pick a whole number between one and ten.

Multiply your number by 2.

Multiply the new number by 5.

Divide your current number by your original number.

Now subtract 7 from your current number.

Now give me a moment.

…is the answer 3?

Okay, one more, then I promise no more.

Pick a number.

Now double the number.

Add 10 to your last answer.

Divide your answer by 2.

Now subtract your original number.

…is the answer 5?

Thank you for humoring me by engaging this little trick.

Hopefully, humoring me also added a little smile to your day, too.

As you can see, it rarely takes much effort to brighten yours or someone else’s day for a moment. However, it does take a bit of conscious effort.

So, as you go about your day today, take a moment to make yourself smile. Then, find some unsuspecting target and make them smile, too.

Oh, and if you’re not sure how, you can use the math tricks I used with you.

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When did you last see a sign that read, ‘happiness for sale?’

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess never.

But lurking behind almost everything for sale that is not necessary for safety, security, and survival is the unsaid implication that it will make you happier.

But will it?

There’s a business technique called the 5 Whys. The 5 Whys is an iterative interrogative technique used to explore the cause-and-effect relationships underlying a particular problem. Essentially, in non-business speak, it means that the 5 Whys can help you find what issues caused a problem. The great thing about the 5 Whys process is that it can also be used in your personal life.

The next time you consider making a significant decision or purchase, use the 5 Whys as a filter. I’m going to bet you rarely get to the third or fourth why before you land on something like, ‘because it will make me happy.’

The 5 Whys is an excellent tool for uncovering the deepest reasons for almost anything you do. Although the tool can be very powerful, the downside is that you have to be open to taking time to work on yourself. You’ll have to dig a little deeper into yourself to get to the root of what is motivating you to act.

And if you’re not ready, willing, or open to working on yourself, then maybe that would be the ideal place to use the 5 Whys to ask- why not?

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How would you behave if every person you met was wearing a ‘Help Wanted’ sign?

Would you be curious?

Would you ask them what kind of help they need?

Would you offer to help when appropriate?

Would you show them your help wanted sign?

Everyone needs help in some area of their life, but in many cases, they don’t know how to ask for it, or even worse, they’re afraid to ask for help. They’re embarrassed or feel that asking for help is a sign of weakness. So, they suffer or struggle alone, hoping that eventually they’ll stumble across the solutions to their problems.

Life would be so much easier if there were one giant help jar where you could submit your problems, and then all the help you needed would magically appear. But unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that.

Or does it?

Your problems are rarely unique. Yes, situations and your experience of the problems might be unique, but there’s a high probability that your problem has been solved before. But you’ll never know until you ask for help.

Asking for help is hard because you feel vulnerable. You feel exposed. But asking for help conveys to others that you’re human, and leaves open the possibility that someone else will share with you that they need help too. And that’s how – the magic help jar begins.

What if you’re a magic help jar?

But the caveat is that you can only help someone if you’ve asked for help first.

Maybe the magic help jar isn’t one big jar, but millions of little jars with the capacity to help just a few people at a time. Eliminating one help wanted sign at a time and by doing so, you eliminate your help wanted sign too.

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Follow the flock?

Or.

Be the black sheep?

Follow the crowd?

Or.

Be the misfit?

The choice is yours.

Life is undoubtedly more straightforward if you keep your head down, say nothing, and just keep working on fitting in. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

But, if you want to be unique, then by definition, you have to be different.

At some point, you will have to make a decision. And then you’ll have to commit to the decision.

And there will be a price to pay for your decision.

The price will take an emotional toll on your mind. You see, the allure, the gravitational pull of the crowd, is incredibly powerful.

You will be asked some form of the following questions every day, either by others or even by yourself.

Are you sure you want to do that?

Why do you think you’re different?

Wouldn’t it be so much easier if you did what everyone else does?

And you’ll continuously have to answer these questions.

Being the one that wants to be different, the misfit, the oddball, is easy to say but extremely difficult to do. Difficult, but not impossible.

The great thing is that you get to make the choice to follow or not follow the crowd many times throughout your life. As long as you’re being true to yourself about the kind of person you want to be, then ultimately, it doesn’t really matter if there’s a crowd or no crowd.

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Why did you look at me like that?

Why did you make that face?

Why did you use that tone?

If you’ve asked any of the previous questions, you might be playing emotional Rorschach. There might not have been a face, a look, or a tone, and there’s a chance you misinterpreted what you heard or saw.

The Rorschach test, also known as the inkblot test, was a projective psychological test created in 1921. It was designed to test an individual’s perceptions of inkblots on a piece of paper. The keyword in the description of the test is ‘projective.’

“The underlying assumption is that an individual will class external stimuli based on person-specific perceptual sets, and including needs, base motives, conflicts, and that this clustering process is representative of the process used in real-life situations.”

Essentially, it says you will see and experience situations based on your personal history. You will, for lack of a better word, project and ultimately derive meaning from a situation based on your past. So, there is a chance that you misread the situation.

Maybe the look meant nothing. Maybe there was no underlying agenda. It could just be in your mind.

Now, obviously, like so much in life, there are a lot of grey areas, and you’re probably not always mistaken when assessing a situation. But what if sometimes you are?

Holding back judgment or giving an individual the benefit of the doubt is a great way to prevent jumping to conclusions about what someone did or said towards you.

One of the interesting things researchers found when administering the test is that cultural backgrounds and prior experiences influenced what people saw in the inkblots. And since we all have some unique aspects of our individual experiences and history, it means we all experience the world differently.

So the next time you find yourself wondering what someone meant by the look on their face or something they said that’s got you a little flustered, think about the emotional Rorschach. It might be a combination of your imagination and projection leading you to a false conclusion.

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How often do you find yourself behind the eight ball?

One definition of being behind the eight ball is feeling behind on tasks – feeling a sense of overwhelm.

In today’s always-on world, it’s easy to get caught up in the number of incoming requests for your time and your to-dos—so much so that you’re often left feeling you’re continuously behind the eight ball.

The phrase, behind the eight-ball, originated from the game of pool. It’s the inability to take a clear shot because the cue ball is stuck behind the eight ball. The difference between playing pool and life is that in pool your opponent is usually the one trying to position you behind the eight ball, whereas in life there’s a high chance that you’re doing it to yourself.

I’m not saying that you don’t have a legitimate and endless list of tasks; I am suggesting that there may be times when you’ve taken on just a little too much.  And that’s when you get the feeling of being behind the eight ball.

So how do you get out from behind the eight ball?

Well, there are always things that you could consider removing from your list. But for the sake of argument, let’s say that you can’t. Then what can you do?

What if you pause for a moment? That’s what pool players do. They step back from the table to assess their situation in order to find their next best shot. They pause just long enough to get out from behind the eight ball. Getting out from behind the eight ball does not guarantee they will win the game, but it allows them to continue playing.

What could be your version of a pause?

Your pause could be stepping away for a few seconds to take a deep breath, or it could be pausing for minutes or even days, depending on the importance of the request or task at hand. It could even be re-prioritizing your list and, in some cases, totally eliminating some of your things to do.

I am not suggesting that you abdicate your responsibilities. I am saying that so much of the sense of being overwhelmed results from taking on too much or giving away too much of your attention and time. And the equation of giving away too much while taking on additional will never leave you in the positive; it will always leave you feeling as though you’re behind the eight ball.

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How do you show mutual respect?

It’s easy to have mutual respect with someone that agrees with you or you agree with; the challenge is to respect someone with opposing viewpoints.

One of the dangers of not having mutual respect is that you’re not open to hearing viewpoints contradicting your thoughts. Respecting an individual’s right to voice their opinions and thoughts without pre-judging them is the only way to move a conversation or idea forward.

Allowing yourself to have mutual respect for someone you disagree with says more about you than the other person. When you can be open to new ideas without rushing to defend your existing position, it displays a high level of self-confidence. Not confidence in a hubristic fashion, but rather a comfort with who you are and courage to engage other people’s ideas.

It’s been said that respect is not just the absence of negative behavior, but the presence of positive behaviors. This means taking an active stance to being curious, engaging, and open to others, the position that their input is worthy of your consideration.

Mutual respect can be difficult to cultivate because it can feel threatening. When someone has an opposing opinion, it’s natural to feel as though you’re being attacked, and in some ways you are. Your ideas and thoughts are being challenged and since they are directly tied to your identity, you protect yourself.

But if you can learn to be vulnerable just for a moment -not surrender – but see the other person as you want them to see you, then you have taken the first step towards mutual respect. Now there’s an opening, an opportunity to engage in new conversations, ideas and issues.

If we don’t develop and practice mutual respect, we are ultimately destined for mutual destruction.

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What’s the latest new gadget?

What’s in vogue right now?

What’s trending?

Whatever it is that’s trending will soon be ending.

It’s only a matter of time.

It could be hours, days, or weeks, but whatever is in will soon be out.

What will you do then?

When all you’re left with is stuff that’s out?

What will you do when the new wears off?

When will you decide to step off the trend mill?

I’m going to let you into a little secret about trends.

It’s not the trend you’re after. It’s the feeling that being a part of the trend gives you.

You want to feel like you’re ‘in, hip, in the know.’

You want to look and feel like the people representing the trend.

But you forget that they get paid to make you feel that way.

Because of technology, trends are now cycling through at breakneck speed. As soon as a trend is launched or catches on, there’s another one right behind it. In fact, there are teams of individuals working on what will be ‘trendy’ ten years from now. They’re designing clothes, color pallets, cars, and all kinds of items that will become the next trend.

Yes, many of the trends you see are, in fact, being manufactured. And because of all the readily available data, it’s becoming easier to do so.

So, if you’re going to engage in trend-chasing, prepare for a long journey. However, you can always choose to step off or even never engage. But if you decide to stay on, remember, it’s the trend mill – Tr with no End.

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