What do you really want?

When I say want, I mean really want. Want to the point of deep down commitment, stop at nothing want.

Recently during a conversation I mentioned that I used to weigh 260lbs and dropped 60lbs in one year and have managed to keep it off for 20+ years and the person I was speaking with asked me how I did it. My answer was that I wanted to and still do.

My answer sounded flippant and almost too simple but it’s the truth. And it’s also true that my want is not temporary but daily, long term and continuous.

Your want can apply to anything you’re willing to commit to, forever, because just like weight loss, every accomplishment is temporary. There is a doing phase and a continuous maintenance phase, there is no stopping.  If you decide to stop it will go away.

So what is your want?

Decide, commit, pursue, learn, and make changes as needed until you get there. And once you’re there you’ll need to figure out a way to stay there, if you still want to.

How many times have you heard any of the following warnings?

Don’t, you’ll embarrass yourself.

You’ll look foolish.

Stop acting that way people are watching.

I wouldn’t if I were you.

You’ve probably heard some form of these statements in your life and usually from well-meaning people that care for you, the ones that are closest to you.

But, are they concerned about you embarrassing yourself or how it will reflect on them?

These are the same people that line up to watch others fail at things, and are entertained the world over by artists, actors and business people that continuously risk embarrassing themselves in the name of entertainment and commerce.

What are you stopping yourself from doing because you might look foolish?

Are you playing it so safe because people are watching?

In the grand scheme of life, your failures, embarrassing moments and mishaps will be forgotten by others in a blink of an eye.

However, if you keep worrying about embarrassing yourself every time you think about trying something new then you might lead a ‘safe life,’ but where’s the adventure in that?

What do you really own?

And if you do think you own what you have, then for how long?

The illusion of ownership is powerful yet false. Even your body is on borrowed time.

Since everything is temporary then why the constant feeling of wanting, holding on to and controlling.

The feeling of ownership is driven by the ego, which causes you to have the feeling of ‘it’s mine.’ But the reality is that nothing is and it can all disappear in a moment.

Release your self-worth from what you own, your titles and who people think you are and remind yourself that you only have temporary custody over these things.

Is your life on an infinite loop?

In the world of software development an infinite loop is when a computer program loops endlessly and occurs because certain conditions will never be met.

According to software developers the infinite loop is usually caused by a bug in the program.

Do you have a bug in your software that keeps you on an infinite loop?

For you does one day roll into another day and on and on because you haven’t set any conditions to be met?

You’re probably familiar with the idiom of ‘stop and smell the roses,’ but do you?

Do you take pause to appreciate, to think, to relax?

Knowing when to stop is just as important as knowing when to start.

Get in the habit of actively stopping, even if just for few minutes. Step away from the computer, the phone, the TV, and the continuous inputs. Give your software the opportunity to reset and stop the infinite loop.

Are you familiar with the business terms Gross Profit or Top Line revenue?

Essentially the terms mean the amount of money a business made before any expenses were subtracted.

When you hear that a company has earned billions in revenue, there’s also the possibility that they are losing money because their cost of doing business is higher than the amount of money they earned.

The same principal can apply to people.

When you see people that you consider to be super successful and have everything together, all you’re seeing is the top line, you don’t know if they are operating a net loss in other areas of their life.

It’s human nature to compare ourselves with others and social media has magnified the comparisons a thousand fold because all you see is top line constantly bombarding your mind.

When you find yourself comparing your life to others, try to stop for a minute and be grateful for all that you have, because I can guarantee you that there’s someone out there comparing their life to your top line.

Are you disappointed or surprised when?

The diet and exercise program didn’t’ work for you.

The get rich quick program didn’t work for you.

The fast growth program didn’t work for your company.

The 10 tips to a great relationship didn’t work for you.

You see, how to’s, tips and tricks are not a one size fits all solution. They are guidelines that worked for someone else in the past.

Now I’m not discounting certain fundamentals and principles that stand the test of time, what I am saying that you will have to experiment and find your own unique solutions to your challenges.

Continue to learn and take in new information to apply to your own personal endeavors, just keep in mind that you will always experience a different outcome from the one you expected.

Have you ever traveled to another country?

If you have then you’re probably familiar with the temporary visitor visa form. The form is essentially a list of questions that the country asks you in order to determine whether or not you will be allowed legal entry in to that country.

The first question that is usually asked on the visa is what is the purpose of your visit?

Countries ask this question because they want to ensure that you will do the country and its citizens no harm, and that ultimately your visit will be a net benefit to country.

What if in order to continue to living you had to answer this question today?

Are you living in way that brings no harm to others and benefits society?

What would your answer be?

Consider yourself living here on a temporary visitor visa, and live in a way where the purpose of your visit is not only for your own benefit but also for the benefit of others.

What happens next?

What happens after your next breath, your next step, your next thought?

Do you know for sure?

Where in your life are you looking for certainty before you decide to act?

There in only certainty in what has happened up to this very moment, yet so much of our lives are spent in attempt to place a safe bet on the future. And ‘need to know’ how it will turn out before moving forward will cause you to live in constant hesitation.

Seeking security in your decisions feels good in moment but often prevents you from experiencing new opportunities. Now there are times when prudence in decision making are required and can be helpful, but even then there is not real certainty.

Learning to live with uncertainty will allow you try new things and explore more of what life has to offer. And if you don’t enjoy living with uncertainty, you can always go back to your illusion of certainty.

Who are you trying to impress today?

What if you only worked on impressing yourself?

I know this can be difficult because there is a natural survival tendency to be liked and wanted, but what if just for today you asked the following questions.

How do I want to look?  Vs. How will they think I look?

What do I want to say? Vs. What do they want to hear?

What do I want to do? Vs.  What do they want me to do?

What do I want to own? Vs. What will they think about what I own?

What do I want to be better at? Vs. What do they want me to be better at?

If you have the courage to ask these questions on regular basis then over time then you will attract more people that like you for who you are, but there is also the danger that you will lose the people you’ve been trying to impress.

Have you ever been to an event with someone and you both have totally different memories about the experience?

The reason for this is that we all have different filters. We don’t see, hear and experience objectively, it is all subjective to our previous experiences and beliefs.

So, what if your experience isn’t what really happened but only your version of it?

What if you’ve misinterpreted what was said or done to you because it’s the story your brain told you?

What if your brain is using inaccurate information to create your world view?

Your experience of the world happens through a very narrow window, it’s as though you’re looking at the world through a keyhole and your brain is constantly filtering and using information from the past to evaluate what you are seeing and experiencing at any given moment.

Make it a habit to check and re-evaluate your world view and beliefs often. Explore information that is contrary to how you think. Listen to opposing world views with as open of a mind as you can. Change your filters and experience a different life.

When was the last time you laughed until your eyes watered?

The last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt?

Kids do it all the time, you see them rolling around on the floor laughing and giggling uncontrollably. They even tickle themselves in order to laugh.

There’s a common myth that four- to six-year-olds laugh 300 times a day while adults only laugh 15-20 times a day. No-one knows what the real numbers are but children definitely do laugh more than adults.

You’ve heard it before ‘laughter is the best medicine,’ and there is scientific proof of this. Laughter has been showed to lower stress levels and improve brain function.

So make it a point to laugh every day. You can practice laughing yoga, watch funny videos, or read funny material. Or you can do my personal favorite and just tickle yourself. Go ahead, have laugh!

Are you waiting for permission to do your thing?

Are you waiting for permission to take the next step?

Are you waiting for permission to be you?

Who are you waiting for permission from?

Are you afraid that you’ll rock the boat or upset someone?

The truth is that you might and that’s why you’ve decided to play it safe.

There will never be a time when you will please everybody, no matter how hard you try. I’m not saying you shouldn’t care about people’s feelings or disregard them, but don’t use them as excuses you hold yourself back.

Give yourself permission to explore, to grow, to try, to fail, to experiment, so that you can experience your life to the fullest.

What is the limit to how great you can be in any area of your life?

Do you believe that you are capable of more, or have you already decided that you can only be as good as you currently are?

In order to move beyond you current abilities you have to acquire and implement new skills and knowledge.  And this is where most people stumble because they have the desire to move past their limitations but they don’t take the time to work on themselves.

Evolution is all about going beyond limitations. In nature only organisms that develop new skills are the ones that survive and eventually thrive.

Learn to question what you think your limitations are. Ask yourself why you think that you can only do so much, why do you doubt yourself. What beliefs led you to your limitations?

There is an abundance of resources readily available at your fingertips where you can find information that will help you improve any area of your life and move you beyond where you currently are. The only reason for you to stay within your current limits is because you choose to, not because you have to.

How do you feel when no one notices?

When they don’t notice your new car, or your new outfit, your accomplishment? The one you spent so much time thinking about and wondering how people would react when they saw it.

Did you build up an entire mental image of what they would say when they saw your new thing?

Were you disappointed when they didn’t react the way you thought they would?

It’s normal to feel a sense of disappointment when people don’t notice something you thought would be big deal, but how long you hang on to the feeling is up to you. When someone doesn’t notice it’s usually not out of malice, they are just preoccupied with what is important to them at that moment.

Do what you want to do, and do it for yourself. If others notice then great, but if they don’t it’s okay. I’m sure there has been a time when you haven’t noticed too.

How often do you exercise real patience?

Phrases like, ‘I’m being patient with you,’ ‘waiting patiently,’ and ‘you’re trying my patience’ are easy to say but are commonly used when there is in fact very little patience being used.

Patience is all about control over your own emotions, reactions and responses more than anything else.  It’s your ability to wait when things don’t go as planned, and cope when people don’t behave the way you want them to.

Patience also goes hand in hand with faith. When you’re pursuing a goal or mission and you’re not seeing results as fast as you’d like but you know that you’re committed, then patience will help you stay the course.

Patience is a skill that you can learn to develop by being mindful about what triggers you to frustration or anger. When you find yourself being impatient then ask yourself if your behavior will improve the situation. More often than not you’ll find that being patient will help you remain calm and will also help you gain new perspective on the situation.

When was the last time you felt that your mind was truly at peace? No internal chatter, no feelings of being overwhelmed, no judging yourself or others, just peace?

If you’re like most then you probably can’t remember your last moment of mental peace, and that’s okay because being human means always being on. But you can still create tiny opportunities for you to experience momentary peace.

The easiest way to create momentary peace is to focus on your breathing. Try it right now. Close your eyes and take a deep breath and feel the air as it passes through your nose, just one deep breath. Hold it for a second and then release it.

In that breath lives your entire life. And it is in that breath you will find your momentary peace. It is in the simple yet powerful act of breathing that is the difference between you existing or not.

So the next time you feel as though you need a moment of peace, close your eyes and take one deep breath, focus on the entire experience and appreciate that ultimately your entire life is a collection of just one breath.

What if you unsubscribed from everything for a day?

Unsubscribed from:

Text messages

Email

Phone calls

Social media

Traditional Media

How much time would you get back?

I know it sounds impossible but there was a time when you were never subscribed to anything and you could just be you.

If a day is too long and you get withdrawal syndromes just thinking about it, then try it for an hour, or even 30 minutes. By the way if the idea of unsubscribing does cause you anxiety then perhaps that should tell you something.

Go ahead and unsubscribe, I promise you the world will still go on and everyone vying for your attention will still be there when you re-subscribe.

Do you ever get a gut feeling about something?

Have you ever been told to just ‘trust your gut?’

If you’ve listened to ‘successful’ business people or even athletes you’ll hear them say that they often rely on their gut feelings despite what data tells them.

Recently there’s been an increase in research showing that humans have what is being described as two brains. You have a similar set of neurons in your stomach as the ones that make up your brain. And just like your brain your gut will give you messages but you have to learn to listen to it.

Your gut feelings are your intuition. It’s your intuition to move, to do, or to take action towards or away from things. Learning to trust your intuition comes with practice and is not easy because it might defy what you think is logical, especially if you’re the analytical type. But give your intuition a chance, listen to it and see what it does for you.

Do you remember practicing fire drills at school or even at work?

The reason for the practice was to ensure you behaved in a way that would ensure your safety in the event of a real fire.

Well what if today

Your car didn’t start.

You burned breakfast.

You were late to work.

You got in to an argument with someone.

Your kids were sick.

This is a very short list of the potential fires that can occur in your life and obviously some are worse than others.

The question is how will you respond when these things happen?

What does your emotional fire drill look like?

Now you might think that you don’t know how you’ll respond until one of them does happen, but you can practice how you will respond by defining what your core values are and what is important to you. Once you know deep down who you are, then responding to the next fire will be second nature.

Do you remember the fairy tales where the prince and princess ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after?

Do you know what happened the day after they rode off?

Nothing! It was a fairytale and written to make you feel good for a moment. It was not a representation of real life.

Hopefully somewhere along the way you’ve realized that life rarely imitates art because life is a continuum of events not a snapshot in time.

Fortunately though, if you focus on creating moments of happiness for yourself and the people around you, then the accumulation of those moments can result in a happily ever after ending.