Raj Daniels

I recently had a conversation with a close family member about making a difference in the life of one person. During our exchange I shared the following story with her.

A young girl was walking along a beach upon which thousands of starfish had been washed up during a terrible storm. When she came to each starfish, she would pick it up, and throw it back into the ocean. People watched her with amusement.

She had been doing this for some time when a man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!”

The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied, “Well, I made a difference to that one!” (The Star Thrower” by Loren Eiseley)

This story has had a profound impact on my life because at one I time I too was a starfish that someone took the time to pick up.

Sometimes when I’m thinking about how daunting some of the world’s biggest challenges are and what I can do to help, I remind myself that if I can just help one person then I too can make a difference.

What if we all committed to helping one person?

What will be the last thing you say today to your children as you drop them off to school, your spouse as you leave for work, your friends, your co-workers? Will they be words of love, kindness, appreciation?

Very often we get so caught up in the small things in life that we forget to convey just how much those that are closest to us really mean to us. However we’ve become experts at conveying our negative emotions, almost automatic.

What if you really tried today to not get mad, angry, or upset? What if you knew today was your last opportunity to share your last words with the people in your life. What would suddenly become less important?

What would your last words be?

Embrace your quiet time. Being constantly ‘on’ doesn’t give you the opportunity to really think and connect with your true self. Many people fear silence because it allows their minds to wander and their fears begin to percolate. Some feel unproductive, lazy and even lonely when they are in silence.

Actively scheduling time for silence and using the time for introspection, meditation, prayer and thinking allows you to consciously cultivate your mind. I recently heard a CEO of a fortune 1000 company share how he schedules two days a week of thinking time on this calendar. He said that inevitably due to urgent matters in the business one of his two days gets taken but at least he is left with one day to think about how he wants to guide his company.

Spend some quiet time with yourself this week and let your thoughts guide you. Keep a pen and paper handy during your silent time and write down some of the things you think about. You might be surprised to see what your mind is thinking about when you pay attention.

A local Dallas venture capitalist recently shared a story of an exercise he conducts with his portfolio companies. They have an offsite event and during this event they are only allowed to talk about the future and not the past.

I’ve heard it said that you must look or focus on where you want to go because you can’t control anything that has happened in the past and I believe this to be true. Changing your focus away from the past allows you to create a vision that you can drive your life towards. It allows you to create a compelling future.

I’m not suggesting that you forget what has happened in the past because that’s where you can learn from, but if you dwell in the past then you will be inclined to repeat it since that is where your mind will be focusing.

So take a few moments today to practice thinking about and living in the future you would like to have for yourself and see how it feels.

This past weekend we lost a family member and as I was sitting in his house I was reminded again of just how important it is to pay attention to how we spend our time.

Are you spending enough time with family and friends?

Are you chasing someone else’s dream?

Are you accumulating material things instead of investing in experiences?

Are you constantly letting yourself be distracted by social media?

Are you spending your time talking about other people?

Are you really listening when people talk to you?

Of course it is natural at times like this to be reflective and think about what is important in life, but what if we had a daily practice to remind us just how important our time is. I know that it is impossible to always be ‘on’ and thinking about our days, but spending a few minutes each day to focus on one of the questions on this list could provide us with a fuller life.

I can’t do that.

I can’t eat like that.

I can’t behave like that.

I can’t listen to that.

Is it really that you can’t or is it that you don’t want to or choose not to? Saying that you can’t do something is a reflection of your thoughts regarding your ability. Changing your language and replacing I can’t with I choose not to or don’t want to will signal to your mind that you are in control.

I will warn you that there is going to be a social consequence to you if you decide to tell people that you don’t want or choose not do something. So be careful how you wield the power of your own choices and vocabulary around the people you spend your time with.

Lights, camera, freeze! Anyone that is even slightly familiar with the movie business knows that the preceding statement should be lights, cameras, action. The key word in the phrase is Action! I was speaking to a friend yesterday about a project he was thinking about working on and he told me about all the research he was doing for the project. My question was, have you actually done anything?

So many of us get to the point of actually doing the thing we need to or want to do and then we freeze because we are worried about screwing it up or failing or looking bad. All of these are legitimate thoughts but they are also the thoughts that hold us back from doing so much. The truth is that the first time you try something the chances are very high that you’ll be bad at it.

A term often used in the military is ‘embrace the suck.’ If you can move yourself to getting comfortable and curious about why you are bad at something you can then use it as a tool to get better and take more action.

Commit yourself today to taking one small action towards something you’ve been thinking about doing for a while and see what you can learn.

Constantly seeking external validation from friends, family and peers is a guaranteed way to lose who you are. We all have a desire to belong but very often we go about it the wrong way. Instead of being ourselves we curtail our thoughts and hide our feelings in order to be accepted. We put our self-worth in the hands of others seeking approval and validation. Yet we admire the individual that stands up and speaks their mind. We admire the trailblazer that people line up to follow. These ‘unique’ souls that take the stand and say this is who I am. The irony is that you don’t know who will align with you until you stand for you who you are. Your thoughts, ideas and emotions are what make you unique and special.

Renowned investor Peter Thiel has this great question “what is something you believe that nearly no one else does?” Answering this will be one step in finding and expressing your uniqueness.

To help I’ll go first. I believe that immortality will be made possible very soon. In fact back in 2003 I had expressed a desire to live to be 132 but now that I have young children I’ve chosen to extend it indefinitely.

Remember, validation is for parking tickets : )