How much do you value do you see in other people?

Do you believe that every person you encounter has something they can teach you regardless of their position in life?

Or do you overlook certain people because they don’t look as though they can help you or teach you anything?

Engaging with an individual at a core level is a difficult skill to master but well worth the effort. The ability to sit with another person and just let them talk without waiting to jump in and share your agenda takes a high degree of patience but is well worth the effort.

Every person has something of value that they can share with another. However, in most cases this value rarely has the opportunity to surface due to the shallow nature of most conversations.

The next time you have the opportunity to talk to someone you’re meeting for the first time; allow them to ‘carry the conversation.’ Sit back and listen, you might be surprised at how much you will learn and just how much value they bring to your life.

Do you have a fear of being alone?

The fear of being alone is a primal fear because humans are social animals and in the past being alone probably meant that you would not survive in the wilderness. However, unless you live in some remote part of the world this fear is no longer valid.

For many people the fear of loneliness is what keeps them stuck in their habits. They fear that if they change their ways then they will be unaccepted by those around them. And the truth is that this might be true. But, the good news is that if you search you will find others like you.

Initially as you step out of your environment in to a new one the loneliness might feel overwhelming and you will be tempted to slide back to what you were used to. If you take the time to examine your feeling of loneliness you will learn over time that the feeling is temporary. Give yourself the opportunity grow past the feeling of being alone until eventually you realize that being alone is something you can deal with and not to be feared.

How many times have you set out to do something until ‘life gets in the way?’

Well, I hate to break it to you but that’s always going to happen. Life will always get in the way because that’s what life is. But just because it gets in the way doesn’t mean you stop going after what you want.

Can you imagine if every time there was a major storm the airlines said “that’s it we’re done” and closed up and went away. This sounds ridiculous because it is. Instead they reschedule, make changes and deal with delays. Well, life’s the same way.

So the next time you feel as though you’ve fallen behind on something you really wanted to get done or you encounter some unexpected challenges don’t just give up. Learn to live with the delay but continue on. You’ve probably heard the phrase ‘better late than never,’ and if what you’re pursuing is really important to you then you’ll enjoy it even more once you get it.

When was the last time you went a day without eating?

What’s your relationship with food?

Do have control over it or does it control you?

Food has become so much more than just fuel to for us to operate our bodies on. For some it has become the master of their days. The entire days schedule revolves around meals.

Research shows that fasting for short periods of time has great benefits for your body and mind. From physical standpoint fasting can help with inflammation and in some cases has been shown to decrease the chances of cancer.

From a mental standpoint the ability to use your willpower to resist the temptation of food allows you to reevaluate your relationship with food perhaps give you the realization that food is the just fuel.

Embarking on a fast for the first time can be a little daunting and your mind will probably start making all kinds of excuses why you have to eat. So start slowly by skipping just one meal. And no, don’t make up for the skipped meal the next time you sit down to eat. Allow yourself plenty of water and tell yourself that food is abundant and you can have it any time you want to. It’s just that you’re going to choose when you eat.

What are your problems and how are you looking at them?

Do you view them as temporary obstacles or as permanent?

How you view your problems will make all the difference in how you deal with them.

According to the dictionary one definition for the word ‘problem’ is any question or matter involving doubt, uncertainty, or difficulty. This actually just sounds like life in general, essentially the human condition.

The good news is that everyone has their own set of problems; the bad news is that there is no one right way to deal with them. However, there are techniques you can use that might give you a better perspective.

All of your problems can be categorized under the following headings-

Family/relationships

Health

Career/financial

Spiritual/emotional well being

Take a piece of paper and write out your problems under the appropriate headings. Once you see them on paper you might notice that they’re not a daunting as they are in your mind and if you approach them logically then there’s a chance you can actually begin to see solutions for them.

Remember, everyone you encounter has their own set of problems and I can almost guarantee that you’d rather have your set of known problems than those of others.

Are you awake or are you on autopilot?

Will this week be just like last week and similar to next week? Are you just going through the motions of life without really engaging?

If so, then why?

What is holding you back from dipping your toe in the world of different?

Doing something different or having a new experience doesn’t have to cost you a lot of time or money and it can be life changing. A slight change in your weekly activities has the potential to change the entire trajectory of your life. You might develop a new friendship, discover a new passion or even dump a bad habit.

So what are you going to do after you read this?

File it away and say ‘yes I should do something different?’ and then go on with your routine? Or are you really going to wake up and do something different today? And if you’re brave enough then do it right now!

How much stuff do you need?

Is your closest overflowing with clothes you haven’t worn in years?

Do you have cabinets so full that you don’t even remember what’s in them?

Why? Why do you do this? Is it because you might wear them one or might need something from one of those cabinets?

Everything you own owns a piece of you. You have traded time, money and thought for everything you own. So take a look around your home and think about how much you have really spent and if it was worth the trade off.

The continuous accumulation of stuff has also been correlated with a scarcity mindset. A mindset of what if you need it one day?  Or, what if you miss the opportunity to acquire it again? Neither one of these questions allow you to feel fulfilled or content.

So the next time you are considering adding to your existing stuff, take moment to ask how much value is this item really going to add to my life. And perhaps consider trading or getting rid of some stuff before you bring new stuff home.

Just for today make a conscious decision to love your work.

Take a step back and examine how your efforts impact the organization you’re part of. It’s easy to get caught in the daily grind of just doing because you know that you’ll get paid but today do it out of love.

Pay attention to the rhythm of your organization and all of its moving parts. What do others have to do to enable you do your part?

How would it look for you if they loved their work?

Would it make work easier or more enjoyable for you? Imagine you made life easier for others in your organization.

The opportunity to work is often taken for granted and many are quick to complain about their work, however I can guarantee you that there are millions that would really appreciate the opportunity to work. So just for today, when you engage in your work do it with a little extra love and see how you feel.

Do you have a daily practice?

Note that I didn’t ask if you have a daily habit, because there is a distinct difference between the two. A daily habit is something that you are doing almost automatically where as a daily practice requires intention and discipline.

A daily practice can be as simple as a 1 minute stretching routine as soon as you wake up. It is an act that can improve over time. As with the aforementioned stretching, you can feel yourself become more limber and flexible.

The secret about developing a daily practice in any area of your life is that the skill is transferable. Once you know how to motivate yourself and learn to instill discipline then it too becomes a practice you can improve.

So, take some time this week and choose and area of life where you either want to improve or even want to explore and create a small daily practice plan around it. Put your practice plan in to action and see what happens.

What does it mean to behave?

Whose ideals have you conformed to and how much of your true self have you given up just to behave?

It started when you were a child.

If you behave I’ll give you a piece of candy.

And as you grew.

If you behave I’ll give you a treat.

As an adolescent.

If you behave you can join our clique.

If you behave you’ll get good grades.

As an adult.

If you behave I’ll love you.

If you behave I’ll give you a raise.

If you’re like most then you’ve probably had the most fun just on the other side of ‘if you behave.’ The stories you tell are not the ones about how much you behaved but the ones about your mischiefs and adventures.

The next time you hear someone lure you with some form of ‘if you behave,’ ask yourself what part of you are you trading for the reward and perhaps consider what might happened if you ‘misbehaved’ a little.

What’s your story going to be?

How are you going to write your story and what role will you play?

Will you choose to be the main character or an extra?

We all have the capability of writing our own stories and deciding what role we will play but very few choose to do so. Some people don’t know that they can write their own story but most people don’t because they fear to do so.

They fear usually due to three reasons; what if they do plan and it doesn’t unfold the way the want it to? They have not taken the time to think about what they want and lastly, they fear the success of what if it does and how will they handle it?

Let’s address these reasons.

First, most plans do fail but at least they provide an initial guide to where you think you’d like your life to go and there’s always the option of changing the plan based on new information.

Second, and this applies to the majority of people is that they just don’t think about it and these are the ones that are most likely to be ‘victims’ of circumstance.

Lastly and probably the most insidious is that fear of success and progress because it will cause them to change and leave some people behind.

So, what’s going to be your ‘Once upon a time?’ And if that’s too big of a question for you to think about then at least start thinking about your once upon a day or even week.

What are you willing to sacrifice for what you want?

If you’re going to change any area of your life you must be willing to sacrifice your current state. The sooner you realize this and come to terms with it the easier it will be. So you have to ask yourself, what am I willing to do to be who I want to be?

Are you willing to sacrifice your desire for decadent food for good health?

Are you willing to sacrifice socializing in order to improve a personal relationship?

Are you willing to sacrifice your comfort zone in order to accomplish a new goal?

We often see the end result of those we admire in our lives but we very rarely have any idea of the sacrifices they have made. There will almost always be some sort of sacrifice in order for there to be progress. Writing down what you will be giving up in order to achieve what you want is a great way to help you decide if you really do want to make the sacrifice.

As a child you may have been told by your parents or ‘well meaning’ adults that world doesn’t revolve around you but I’m here to tell you that it does. At first reaction you might consider this to be a selfish statement so let me clarify.

You were told the world doesn’t revolve around you so that others could calm your demands and take away your true power. And as you grew in to an adult you got in to the habit of not asking for what you really wanted until finally you succumbed to the demands of those around you.

Now imagine for moment this scenario. You walk into a restaurant and when the waiter asks you, what would you like? You say “just bring me whatever is left over.” I can hear you now, but Raj I’m paying for the food so I should get what I want. And I say to that, in a restaurant you’re only paying with money which is infinite and you’re not willing to take left overs. In life you’re paying with your finite amount of time and yet you’ve decided to take what’s left over and deprioritize what you want.

I’m not saying that you should behave so selfishly that it’s detrimental to those around you, but I am saying that you should get in to the habit of asking for what you want. And I don’t mean the accumulation of material goods because that too will eventually leave you hollow and always wanting more.  But ask what more do you want out of life?

Tyrants and sociopaths are experts at impressing their will on the world for negative and selfish reasons; however could you imagine what the world would look like if that kind of power and will was used for good.

Go out today and ask for what you want. If you’re timid then start small. But learn to ask, ask and then ask again. Ask until you feel as though you’ll get punched in the face if you ask one more time and learn to live with that feeling. I promise you that is where the magic will happen.

When was the last time you set out to make someone’s day?

I don’t mean by buying them a gift but just by saying something nice or showing kindness. Looking for an opportunity to give a compliment or kind word is a quick and easy way to make someone’s day.

Studies show that in some instances people that receive compliments will actually experience the same positive effect as if they had received cash. When you say a kind word or give a compliment you can sometimes see a person’s eyes light up or even stand a little straighter.

Giving compliments or showing kindness doesn’t have to be a manufactured experience but it does have to a conscious one. It doesn’t take long to do but it does take a moment to really engage with the person in front of you. To borrow loosely from the Homeland Security phrase “If you see something nice, say something nice.”

How quick are you to judge a person as an idiot or some other similar word?

Do you find yourself calling someone a name based on their actions in a particular moment?

We’re all guilty of not behaving appropriately in the moment and rely on the grace of others to give us another chance.

We’ve all heard the story of the 9th grade dropout that went on to become a millionaire or the conventionally uneducated person that through sheer curiosity and will created a world changing discovery. These people were probably the target of name calling or being judged as ‘less than’ at some point during their lives until they proved otherwise.

Judging an individual based on a brief interaction or what you perceive to know about them is an ego driven thought process, it is your ego telling you that you are superior to that individual. Controlling yourself from casting a disparaging remark or thought towards an individual, and not being so quick to judge their action based on a moment in time is an exercise worth pursuing.

How much of your life is a figment of your imagination?

Do you know that your senses were designed to allow you to interpret the external world and to keep you alive?

However, they can also be misleading.

Have you ever seen an object from a distance only to realize once you were closer that it wasn’t what you thought it was?

This is an example of your brain attempting to interpret current information based on previous experiences and provide you with a picture of what you think you see.

So much of your life is not what you are experiencing but is in fact your brain creating narratives based on old information. These narratives then move you to behave in a certain way. But once these behaviors are ingrained then they happen automatically because now it’s just how you are.

Is being ‘just how you are’ serving you well?

Is relying on your old experiences allowing you to be the person you want be? If not, then perhaps it’s time to question how or why you interpreted previous experiences the way you did, and reevaluate them so that you can respond differently in the future.

You’re probably familiar with motivational speaking, but the real power lies in motivational thinking.

The question is, why is motivational thinking important and how does it apply to you?

Well, it doesn’t apply to you if you’re okay with where you’re at in all areas of life.

However, if you want to even improve incrementally in any area whether professionally or personally then you will need motivation in order to be successful.

Motivation comes from having a purpose because purpose is the reason, essentially the ‘why’ that drives you to take action. And defining your purpose is the key to staying motivated, especially when things aren’t going as planned.

One of the best ways to define your purpose is to write down a list of reasons that answer the ‘why’ question. For example

Why do you want to be healthier?

Why do you want a better relationship with your spouse?

Why do you want to be a better professional?

Once you have your list of reasons read them daily. Reading them every day will allow you to keep them top of mind and this is extremely important. Consider them to be the ‘turn by turn’ directions for your thoughts. If you don’t keep them front and center then very quickly you will find yourself going off track.

Whether you realize it or not you are your own billboard.

Whenever you interact with another person your face and body language convey how you are feeling and in many cases even what you are thinking.

Experts in the field of communication say that 60% of communication is non-verbal.

If that really is the case then what do people see when they interact with you? What message is your face and body projecting?

Do people see you as confident and approachable or do you look cold and uninterested?

One of the best ways to improve how others see you is to practice displaying positive emotions throughout the day.  Learn how you look and feel when you display joy, happiness and confidence with your expressions and body language. Once you’ve practiced in private then experiment in public. During a meeting or interaction consciously change your facial expression or body language to reflect a positive emotion and see what happens.

The best thing about using your body as a billboard to convey positive emotions is that it not only helps you but can also lift up people around you.

Are you a ‘perfectionist?

Do all the stars have to align just right in order for you to start a project?

Do you aim aim aim, but never fire?

I hate to break it to you, but you’re not a perfectionist, you’re just scared. You fear that you’ll get it wrong or screw it up and also that someone might see a mistake you make and call you out on it.  You fear that you will not live up to the high standards you or others have set for you.

Research shows that the two biggest problems perfectionists suffer from are procrastination and negative self-talk. The research also shows that the anxiety over making a mistake is often holding the perfectionist back from achieving any aspect of perfection.

Now this is not an endorsement for sloppy work or being lazy. However, if you conduct some soul searching and find that you miss opportunities  or you neglect to work on ideas because everything has to be perfect before you start then perhaps it’s time to put aside being a perfectionist and allow yourself to not get things right the first time. Remember if it’s perfect then there’s no room for improvement.

For those of you in the Northern Hemisphere today will be the longest day of the year and mark the beginning of summer. And although we’re not quite at the year’s halfway point yet the days will begin to get shorter.

So how have the first six months been for you?

Did you set any goals or have any resolutions at the beginning of the year that are now forgotten or are you on track?

Maybe you started the year full of hope and excitement but have reached a point of frustration because it hasn’t unfolded the way you had imagined. Or maybe you’ve succeeded beyond your wildest dreams. Regardless of which situation best describes you, enjoy the first days of summer. And today, or sometime this week take some time to evaluate what you did the first half of the year and what you plan to do for the rest of it.