Are you in a hurry today?

Have you spent any time this morning rushing to get somewhere or hurrying others along, perhaps the car in front of you in morning traffic or the person in front of you at your local coffee shop? What’s the rush? And do you really believe you can will the world to move faster if you grip the steering wheel tighter or mutter under your breath as they decide between a medium and a large latte. Slow down and accept where you are.

As a parent I used to find myself constantly telling my children to hurry up. It started in the morning with hurry up and take a shower, hurry up and eat, hurry up and get dressed, blah blah blah all the way through the end of the day with hurry up and go to bed. And even after saying hurry up several times a day we still ended up with things being done in the same amount of time. So I stopped rushing them and now we just get there when we do. The best part is that we’re all a lot happier when we get where we have to be, however the stress of the constant rush is gone.

I’m not advocating being late for events, meetings etc. What I am saying is that living in a state of constant hurry takes a physical toll on you and those around you. So, the next time you find yourself trying to will the person in front of you to move faster, take a deep breath and allow for the event to unfold. You’ll probably get to where you needed to at the same time, but you might just arrive a little happier.

You’re being robbed of your attention. Companies are paying millions of dollars to steal pieces of your life and you probably don’t realize it. Scientists and PhD’s are hired to create products and campaigns just so that you can pay attention to them and not your own life.

You do not have an unlimited supply of attention so whenever you choose to invest your attention on one thing you are taking away from another area of your life. The internet and TV are the biggest culprits when it comes to stealing your attention. Imagine if every time you aimlessly surfed the web or flipped through TV channels that you were asked to pay money. Would you still spend as much time doing these activities?

During the next few days try to be conscious of how much time you’re spending aimlessly surfing the internet, on social media or flipping through channels trying to find ‘something to watch.’ And then consider what else you could be doing with your attention.

John Kennedy said it best in his “ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” Today I ask, what can you do for you? Not, what can your spouse, employer, children, friends do for you.

Here are some questions to start your day with.

What can you do today to make yourself happy?

What can you do today to make yourself healthier?

What can you do today to build better relationships?

What can you do today to create meaning in your life?

Your answers to these questions don’t have to be long eloquent paragraphs. Start with one question; think about it for five minutes and write down simple one word answers that will move you to action.

Unfortunately, most people will read these questions and just move on without acting or even thinking about answering them. And it will be the same excuses, too busy right now, get back to it later etc. The problem is that there is never this perfect imaginary time of being less busy or having more time. So, take five minutes right now and act!

Everyone’s life is a mess to some extent. Unfortunately all you get to see is the highlight reel, a brief picture of their existence. And then you compare your entire life to the snapshot you’ve been exposed too. Your brain then takes the snapshot and goes in to the ‘life is good for everyone but me’ thought cycle.

Read the biography of any famous person you admire and you’ll find that they have all experienced struggles in some area of life. Broken relationships, financial troubles, health issues, one or all of these is part of everyone’s journey.

I love the example of the duck on water. All we see is the duck moving gracefully along, but if we looked under the surface we would see its feet paddling frantically to move it along.

So the next time you find yourself thinking how perfect someone’s life is consider for a moment that they might be thinking the same thing about you.

I came across this word about 10 years ago and it very quickly became one of my favorite words. Equanimity is the ability to remain calm and composed especially in difficult situations.

One of the keys to maintaining a state of equanimity is to deconstruct a situation that is causing you to be frustrated or angry, the ability to view the situation from the standpoint of an observer. One of the best times to practice equanimity is when you feel as though you are being verbally or emotionally attacked by an individual. Take a moment to breathe and step out of the situation. Don’t take their bait and allow them to get their hook in to you. If an individual does say something hurtful try to understand why rather than reacting and fueling their fire.

Maintaining a state of equanimity can apply to all areas of life since everything you engage in is a relationship between your mind and the situation. Allowing yourself to give pause to a situation or an event will give you the ability to maintain and even keel rather than being on an emotional rollercoaster.

Do you have a place where you can go to think, create, problem solve, a place that takes you out of your usual environment?

Research shows that one of the easiest things you can do to stimulate your brain is to change its environment. Moving from a place that you are used to somewhere new forces your brain to behave differently and create new perspectives.

Finding a new place doesn’t’ mean travelling to far off lands although this could be fun and highly stimulating. A new place can be as simple as working from a coffee shop instead of an office for a few hours, sitting somewhere different in an office building or even going for a walk in area that you’re not familiar with.

The objective of changing your environment is that it breaks your usual cognitive patterns and forces your brain to think creatively, thus allowing you to see things differently. So the next time you find yourself stuck on a problem or in a particular thought pattern go find a place you’ve never been and it’ll give you new perspective.

How much time, energy and effort do you spend being angry or staying upset with someone?

Especially someone you really love. If that person disappeared tomorrow, how would you feel? Would you still be angry or would you regret your last feelings towards them?

Staying upset over time requires you spend energy reliving the thought and moment over and over again. It’s as though you have a wound that you refuse to let heal, you continuously pick at the scab causing it to bleed just so that you can remember what happened.

You feel justified in your anger only because you want the other person to see the world from your perspective, but they almost never will. Their world view is based on a collection of their own experiences so in their mind they are behaving appropriately.

I’m not suggesting that you excuse their behavior, especially if it is malicious towards you. What I am saying is fueling your own negative emotion by continuously thinking or talking about it doesn’t benefit either one of you. Remember, anger is only one of many responses you can choose to have for an event.

Make time to share your knowledge. Mentoring whether in an official or unofficial capacity can be one of the most fulfilling activities you can ever do. Maybe you don’t realize just how much experience or knowledge you have gained over the years and how helpful that knowledge can be to others. You might experience doubt or question your expertise in a particular area and think that others already know what you do, and this might be true about factual information. But, your perspective is unique and this is where you can be extremely helpful.

Sharing what you know also helps you because it makes you to think clearly in order to communicate your knowledge effectively. Keep in mind there is an important distinction between sharing your knowledge and giving advice. When you are sharing your knowledge you are conveying what you have experienced and not trying to tell the other person what they should do.

Sharing your knowledge stems from an abundant mindset. It is a very powerful frame of mind when you can share your knowledge freely without being concerned that someone will now know what you do. Remember, many of the greatest teachers and masters overtime were not those that hoarded their knowledge but those that gave away all they knew.

Do you ever feel like you’re not getting what you want fast enough? You want it now, so why can’t you have it now? You think you’re doing all the right things but it’s just taking so long, almost too long. This could apply to any area of your life.

You’ve been programmed by the ‘just add water’ media that your needs and wants should be instantly fulfilled. Pay attention to the messages you see and hear, how many times this week you are exposed to one or more of the following phrases.

Get rich quick

Lose weight fast

Overnight success

Over time these messages cause you to have an internal disparity in your life. You begin to feel as though there’s something you’re not doing right and this is the emotion these messages are designed to create. They are designed for you to act but not necessarily in your best interest.

The trick is to realize that any endeavor that is going to create lasting change in your life is going to take time. It’s going to take time and effort to begin and more important, it’s going to take even more effort to maintain. So allow your rational thinking mind to push your feelings of ‘why don’t I have it now’ to the side and keep moving forward.

Your mind is always looking for a way to escape from itself and you help it by continuously providing it with distractions. TV, phone, text messages, social media, radio, family, work, which combinations of these do you use on a daily basis avoid listening to who you are?

These external inputs shape your thoughts, moods and ideas of who you should be and how your life should look. Whether you do it consciously or unconsciously every input demands a degree of attention and your brain is constantly being bombarded with new thoughts while it is trying to reconcile existing ones.

Commit sometime today to eliminating all distractions for a short period of time.

No TV or reading.

Do not respond to call, emails or text messages, unless of course you’re an emergency worker or physician on call.

Turn the music off as you drive.

Allow your brain to absorb your activities throughout your day and listen to your thoughts. See which thoughts are empowering you and which ones are affecting you in a negative way.  Researchers say that you have between 50,000 and 70,000 thoughts per day, why not try to listen to some of them and see what they have to say.

Who are you going to blame today and for what? Are you going to blame your boss, your significant other, your co-workers, your children? Who is going to be the cause of your frustration, unhappiness, anger? How much time do you spend blaming people because they do not live up to your standards or your expectations, yet deep down you know that blaming them does not cure your frustrations?

I know you’re thinking, but it is their fault and you might be right. But how you’re reacting to it is up to you. Pouring your energy into how another person behaves only fuels your fire not theirs. When you find yourself beginning to blame someone, take pause and think about why you feel so wronged. Did they do it deliberately to harm you? Was their intent malicious? If so then take action, but don’t dwell on it with frustration. Acting in a calm directed manner will give you sense of control over the situation.

The thing about blame is that it easy to do and people will always give you an opportunity to blame them. But what if you didn’t? How would that look? Try it today and see what happens.

Do you feel energized or drained after you spend time with your friends? Do your friends challenge you and encourage you to grow? Do they support you on your journey or do they hold you back and say things like, you’re not the same anymore, and you’ve changed.

Do your friends spend their time gossiping about other people or discussing ideas and possibilities? Do they have things they too want to accomplish or are they too busy tearing down other people’s ideas? Are they producers or consumers?

If, when you are around your friends to you find yourself concealing your thoughts or compromising your values in order to fit in or not to hurt feelings then you might want to re-evaluate your friendships.

Remember the friends you spend time with will strongly influence how you see the world and will also be strong predictor of the results in all areas of your life, so choose them wisely.

When was the last time you felt alive? I believe there is a big difference in being alive and feeling alive. Being alive is what you do every day. Sitting in the same chairs, going to the same places, talking to the same people, driving the same route,  eating the same food and on and on until eventually a layer of rust forms over your senses creating nothing but a dull existence, essentially being alive.

Feeling alive on the other hand is that feeling of butterflies you had when you first held hands with a person of the opposite sex. The fear you felt on the top of a roller coaster. The nervousness you felt when you were asked to speak in front of a group. Feeling alive comes from not knowing what will happen next, it’s at this point that all of your senses are activated because biologically they have to be in order to keep you alive.

Try one of these activities this week to stimulate your senses and feelings you once experienced.

Attend a Meetup or an event where you don’t know anyone.

Take a class in something you’re interested in.

Talk or flirt with strangers.

Go to store you wouldn’t normally go to.

Do something creative and then show people.

Ask the server in a restaurant what their favorite item is and try it.

Go to an amusement park.

For the more adventurous souls, try bungee jumping, rollers skating, fencing, dancing or something else physical that you haven’t done before. Physical activities are fantastic for feeling alive because they stimulate both mind and body.

You’re here to experience life, so go out and do it while you still have the opportunity. Don’t just be alive, feel alive!

Think of an excuse for not doing something you know you should. We usually make excuses because we don’t want to do something, we are rationalizing why we are not doing what we want to do, or we don’t want to feel at fault. Now, like me some of you might say how is an excuse different from a reason? So, I did your homework for you : ) Apparently a reason is based on fact and underlying evidence whereas an excuse is an attempt to lessen blame.

What are your excuses for not doing something or acting in way that you know you should? I’ll help you by sharing some that I’ve used in the past:

I’m too busy

I’m too tired

I’m not sure if it’s a good idea.

I don’t know how to start.

I don’t do things like that.

Now is not the right time.

I’m not good at…

It’s nothing they haven’t heard before.

Some of these might resonate with you and that’s great because now you know you’re not alone. The thing is that most excuses are just poor justifications for not moving us forward to be the person we really can and want to be.

Today, think about something you really want to do and write down all the excuses that you’ve made for not taking action. Then say them out loud so you can hear yourself. This might sound silly and that’s my point. Hopefully hearing them out loud will make you realize how ridiculous the excuses are and how you can begin to take steps to overcome them.

Pause for a moment, take a deep breath, the kind where your tummy expands just a little and hold it for 5 seconds. Now exhale for 5 seconds. Do it right now. What are you thinking about? Did you really pause or were you in too much of a hurry to continue reading?  Did you say to yourself, I’ll read to the end and then do it? Are you really that busy? Or are you like most that just read and continue to move on without taking action? Will you really stop ‘sometime’ later today to make time for a breathing exercise?

Pausing for a moment and consciously taking a few deep breaths has been shown to calm the nervous system, release tension and increase focus. Taking deep breathes also helps to alleviate stress.

Taking time to breathe deeply can transform your life. It’s one of those activities that provide a huge return on a small investment.

Make today the day you commit to pausing to breathe. It doesn’t take very long, just a few minutes throughout the day, and hopefully you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the results.

As a kid and up until my twenties I didn’t realize the power of sharing. In fact I’d go so far as to say that I would take every opportunity not to share. I didn’t realize that the reason I wouldn’t share is because I had a scarcity mindset, to me sharing meant that I would have less. What I’ve learned since is that sharing is powerful. Sharing is saying, sure go ahead and take some of mine because I know that I can always get more.

Now some of you might say that logically if you give away a piece of something you have then technically you will have less and technically you are right. However, that piece that you give away can be considered your investment in humanity. Also, there are many different ways that you can share of yourself that might not make you feel as though you now have less.

You can share your time by volunteering or joining a non-profit.

You can share your knowledge, thoughts and ideas by teaching or mentoring.

You can share food by donating to charity.

You can make things and give them a way.

You can donate blood.

There are so many aspects of your life that you can choose to share from. Find one the works for you and try it. I can almost guarantee that you’ll feel happier after you do.

I recently had a conversation with a close family member about making a difference in the life of one person. During our exchange I shared the following story with her.

A young girl was walking along a beach upon which thousands of starfish had been washed up during a terrible storm. When she came to each starfish, she would pick it up, and throw it back into the ocean. People watched her with amusement.

She had been doing this for some time when a man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!”

The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied, “Well, I made a difference to that one!” (The Star Thrower” by Loren Eiseley)

This story has had a profound impact on my life because at one I time I too was a starfish that someone took the time to pick up.

Sometimes when I’m thinking about how daunting some of the world’s biggest challenges are and what I can do to help, I remind myself that if I can just help one person then I too can make a difference.

What if we all committed to helping one person?

What will be the last thing you say today to your children as you drop them off to school, your spouse as you leave for work, your friends, your co-workers? Will they be words of love, kindness, appreciation?

Very often we get so caught up in the small things in life that we forget to convey just how much those that are closest to us really mean to us. However we’ve become experts at conveying our negative emotions, almost automatic.

What if you really tried today to not get mad, angry, or upset? What if you knew today was your last opportunity to share your last words with the people in your life. What would suddenly become less important?

What would your last words be?

Embrace your quiet time. Being constantly ‘on’ doesn’t give you the opportunity to really think and connect with your true self. Many people fear silence because it allows their minds to wander and their fears begin to percolate. Some feel unproductive, lazy and even lonely when they are in silence.

Actively scheduling time for silence and using the time for introspection, meditation, prayer and thinking allows you to consciously cultivate your mind. I recently heard a CEO of a fortune 1000 company share how he schedules two days a week of thinking time on this calendar. He said that inevitably due to urgent matters in the business one of his two days gets taken but at least he is left with one day to think about how he wants to guide his company.

Spend some quiet time with yourself this week and let your thoughts guide you. Keep a pen and paper handy during your silent time and write down some of the things you think about. You might be surprised to see what your mind is thinking about when you pay attention.

A local Dallas venture capitalist recently shared a story of an exercise he conducts with his portfolio companies. They have an offsite event and during this event they are only allowed to talk about the future and not the past.

I’ve heard it said that you must look or focus on where you want to go because you can’t control anything that has happened in the past and I believe this to be true. Changing your focus away from the past allows you to create a vision that you can drive your life towards. It allows you to create a compelling future.

I’m not suggesting that you forget what has happened in the past because that’s where you can learn from, but if you dwell in the past then you will be inclined to repeat it since that is where your mind will be focusing.

So take a few moments today to practice thinking about and living in the future you would like to have for yourself and see how it feels.