How long do you hold on to a negative feeling?

Is it minutes, days, months?

How many stories do you have to tell yourself in order to hold on that feeling? Do you tell yourself that you just can’t believe how a person behaved towards you or how you deserved better or the situation should have been different?

Well, the truth is that they behaved in their best interest and the situation just is and is now in the past.

Any time you spend time dwelling on what happened to you is energy you could be using to focus on something else. The fact is that you will be wronged by people and things will not always go your way, but hanging on to your feelings about what has passed is not a worthy endeavor.

You can train yourself to get rid of negative feelings faster by practicing new responses and behaviors.

The next time you have a negative feeling immediately think of something positive, and you will see that this will help you create a new pattern of thinking. This kind of practice will actually rewire your brain to the point that eventually this will become your new reaction.

So spend a moment today releasing one negative feeling that you’ve been holding on to and free up that brain space for a positive feeling.

Why did you get out of bed this morning?

Besides the obvious reasons, family, work or other obligations do you have a bigger reason? Having a purpose can fulfill a part of life that family, friends or material goods can’t touch. Having a purpose can fill the gaps.

For most people finding a purpose is the biggest challenge, or they think that a purpose needs to be permanent or only one thing for their entire life, which is not true. Finding a purpose does require some introspection. Taking time to ask yourself what you would love to do, or what in the world you would like to change and then ask yourself how I can be involved. And then when you think you have an answer, take a small action steps as soon as you can to test your answer.

Some people are fortunate to have one purpose for their entire lives but for most as you age your purpose in life might change and that’s okay too. The thing to realize is that purpose is something that comes from within, it should always be based on what is important to you.

Make some time this week to talk with a stranger. This might be difficult for you because you may have had parents that warned you about talking to strangers so you have a mental image of strangers being bad. The reality is you will very rarely encounter a ‘bad’ stranger. Most people are just like you, sharing similar concerns and struggles.

The benefit of talking with a stranger is that it allows you learn the perspective and ideas of a person outside of your daily thought patterns. You probably spend most of your days talking with the same few people and the majority of these people are very similar to you. This causes you to see the world in a limited perspective.

You might feel uncomfortable at first having a conversation with a stranger or not know where or how to start. If you find yourself in a situation where you don’t know what to say I recommend you use the ‘FORD’ mental device to jog your brain.

Family

Occupation

Recreation

Dreams

People love talking about one or all of these subject and the better you get at talking with strangers the easier it will become to guide the conversations through these 4 subjects. Try using this mental device at first with people you know and then go talk with a stranger.

If you don’t take care of your body then where are you going to live?

Someone asked me this question many years ago and today I ask you. A commitment to staying healthy should be high priority because if it’s not then all the other areas of your life will eventually pay the price.

Being healthy doesn’t have to be a daunting task but you do have to be consistent. Small changes in the way to go about your day can give you great results over time.

Food is the obvious big driver when it comes to health and thinking about what you are eating is the key to this. Next time you sit down to eat ask yourself if the producer of the food has your best interest in mind or theirs? Did they spend billions of dollars to entice you? Did they create a process where they could provide you with the lowest quality food at a price that would be attractive to you? Why are you eating that particular food and if it’s not beneficial to you what else could you be eating?

Exercise is the other half of the equation. Here you’ve been led to believe that you must be sweating on a treadmill or lifting huge amount of weights in order for it to be considered exercise. And if you’re going to compete in athletics or be a bodybuilder then perhaps it’s true. But for most some simple movements can do wonders. Your body is designed for movement and the more you move it the better you will feel. The Okinawa Centenarian (age over 100) Study showed that “exercise in the form of dance, soft martial arts, walking and gardening” were key health drivers. Keeping exercise simple will help you stick with it over time.

You can start improving your health today by being mindful of what you are eating and how much you are moving. When you decide to eat today, try not to be distracted with electronics or conversations and think about if you are really hungry or are you eating because it’s time to eat? Think about how much time you spend today sitting or standing in one place. Take a break to stretch or walk around for a few minutes. The additional blood flow to your brain will also give you the added benefit of being able to think clearer too.

Taking care of health should not be something you have to obsess over, but it should be something you pay attention to on a daily basis.

Your imagination can change your world if you let it. Your imagination is so powerful that you can conjure up worlds or events that have never existed. It has the ability to make you feel on sensory level things that have never happened to you. It is also a tool that you can use to move you and create change in your life.

When we think about imaginary worlds or friends we often think about children playing games, but what should realize is that what the children are actually doing is seeing endless possibilities. They’re losing themselves in their minds. As grownups we’ve forgotten the pleasure of letting our imagination run wild. We’ve forgotten about the possibilities.

Today I challenge you to take some time and use your imagination. Imagine thoughts that will make you smile. Imagine events that give you feelings of joy. Your imagination sits outside of your five senses yet studies have shown that imagining an event can stimulate all of your senses. So why not use the magic of your imagination to make yourself feel good.

Gateway habits are similar to the gateway drug concept. For example In the past studies showed that individuals that tried cigarettes would be more likely to try stronger drugs. However, a gateway habit can also be leveraged to eliminate bad habits.

A gateway habit is a small almost insignificant action you take in any area of life.

Cutting back on sugar could be as small as starting with having just a little less sugar in your coffee eventually leading to no sugar.

Starting an exercise program could be as small as wearing sneakers around the house.

Learning a new language you could begin by learning the words for the utensils you use everyday.

Improving  relationships with loved ones and friends could be one small compliment or kind word.

Waking up earlier could be moving the alarm back by a minute.

Of course there are many other examples where you can apply small actions to change.

Taking these small actions over an extended period of time is the key to changing them. Allowing your body and mind to rewire its self to the new normal is the hardest part. So many people expect habit changes to happen quickly because they’ve heard it takes 21 days to change a habit so they give up on day 22 if they haven’t done so.  Some give up because they miss a day or two and punish themselves by going back to their old ways.

The 21 days theory has been debunked several times and research shows that as individuals we are all wired differently so for some it might only take month but for others it might take six months. Having patience and not comparing your changes to others is  also a habit in itself.

Trying to change too many habits at one time is also very hard to do. Start by changing one habit that you don’t like and then use the discipline gained to build your confidence in changing the next one.

Go ahead and start to change one today.

Just over a year ago I started to sign off on my emails with ‘Intentionally Raj.’ Admittedly at first I was a little nervous about doing this because I was concerned about how it would look in the ‘professional’ world, but I did it anyway. I’ve received a few comments regarding this sign off and interestingly enough a couple of people have said they too will use it in their emails.

Being intentional in life is what allows me to mute so many of life’s distractions and focus on what is important. I feel that so many of us spend our days on autopilot, following in the same manner that we have done for years without thinking about what we are doing.

The idea of intentionally doing something means that you are doing it deliberately and with a purpose. Intentionally, means consciously taking action, thinking about it. I’m not suggesting that you have to apply this thinking to everything you do but if you start by applying it to some of your small daily tasks then eventually you can apply intentional thinking to some of your larger life goals.

Next time before you write an email, purchase something non-essential, make a phone call, take a particular route driving somewhere, spend a few moments asking yourself why am I doing this?

Taking these few moments of intentional thinking will begin to give you greater sense of control and move you towards an intentional life.

Intentionally,

Raj

My mission statement is, “I make a conscious effort on a daily basis to improve my life and the lives of people around me.”

I created this mission statement back in 2003 and it has served me well. Over the years I have received push back from individuals saying that it doesn’t quite fulfill all the necessary components of a mission statement or that it is too broad and vague. And they might be right, but it has provided clarity for me.

The questions that I built my mission statement around are

What can I achieve today?

How can I be better today?

Who can I help today?

The reason I share this with you is that my mission statement provides me with a filter for my daily activities.

What is your mission?

Take some time this week to make a list of what is important to you and then evaluate your current activities and see if they align with your list.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself that can help guide you.

How would you want your family to describe you?

How does your life look ten years from now?

What are you good at?

What are your values?

What makes you happy?

These questions are only an initial guide that will hopefully bring you closer to writing a personal mission statement. A good tool for personal mission statement is the Stephen Covey principle of ‘begin with the end in mind.’ He describes it as, how would you like to be remembered at your funeral.

I find that having a personal mission statement to guide my life helps me respond better to everyday situations and hopefully writing your own will help you too.