Raj Daniels

At what point in your day do you really feel happy?

Is there a physical trigger or thought that makes you smile even when you’re alone?

If yes, then how long does the feeling last?

Many claim to want happiness yet few can really define what makes them happy. The problem with this is you can’t find something unless you know what that thing is.

For some it might be the embrace or even the thought of an embrace of a loved one or friend. Others might feel happiness at the opportunity to pursue their dreams or goals. And yet for some it might just be a good cup of coffee and reading a book.

So as you go about your day today really think about what makes you smile or makes you feel happy inside. The point of this exercise is that once you understand what makes you happy then you can consciously create more of those experiences in your life.

Have you ever performed a random act of kindness?

If you have, then do you remember how it made you feel? And if you haven’t, then great because today’s your day to do so.

Performing a random act of kindness doesn’t have to cost a lot of time or money. It doesn’t even require much planning, but it does require some intentionality. It does require you to look for or think about situations that allow for the ‘random’ act.

Here are some ideas that might help you.

Send a handwritten note to someone

Pay for the person behind you in a store or restaurant

Over tip a server

Email a friend or acquaintance expressing appreciation

Pay a genuine compliment to someone

There are many more ideas that you can find on the web, or you can be creative and come up with your own. Pick one today and do it. I’m sure you’ll find that the random act of kindness will probably brighten your day more than the person you were kind to.

When you ask for advice what are you really asking for?

Are you asking someone to confirm what you’re already thinking or do you really want an unbiased opinion?

Asking for advice is tricky because no one has seen and experienced what you have, so they can never really see things from your point of view. The best they can do is based on their own experiences. Which can be helpful since it gives you another perspective but may or may not work for you.

When seeking advice try to separate the facts from emotions. Be open to advice that is contrary to your own thoughts. Don’t dismiss advice that doesn’t immediately align with your way of thinking and give yourself time to digest different and new advice. Advice that is different than the way you think has the potential to help you grow if you approach it with an open mind.

How often do you consciously relax?

I don’t mean taking a nap, going to sleep or just lazing on the couch. I mean really relaxing your body.

There’s an art to conscious relaxation that will allow you to feel relaxed after a few minutes of concentration. The technique is simple but can yield great results. You have several large muscles in your body and if you can learn how to contract and release them then you can start a relaxation practice.

Start with the easy ones. Contract your calf muscles, breathe deeply and release them when you exhale. As you get better at this you can then move to your upper legs and slowly progress to your other large muscles. The entire process shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes.

Lastly and one of the most important is your tongue. If you’re like most people reading this then at this moment your tongue is either touching the roof of your mouth or the back of your front teeth. It is in a tensed position. Learn to relax your tongue by letting it fall to the bottom of your mouth. Doing this will allow your jaw to loosen up and will ultimately relax your entire neck and face.

Practice this during the day and especially when you go to bed. Learning to relax your tongue is one of the simplest and most rewarding relaxation techniques you can do.

How much responsibility do you take for your own life?

Do you own it all or do you go down the slippery slope of giving it away by being a victim of circumstance?

It’s hard to take responsibility for everything because sometimes you really do feel as though you’ve been subjected to a situation without your consent. But the reality is that in that moment if you’re able to stop, step back and think then you’ll recognize that you’re only in that situation because of your past choices. And this will allow you to claim back responsibility.

Very often you hear responsibility touted as a negative feeling and that’s why people try to avoid it but their perceptions are incorrect. The ability to own your responsibility for your life is very powerful and freeing. When you step up and claim responsibility for your own life then you are in control of how you respond to events.

Take some time today and look back at one time in your life where you felt you weren’t responsible and now with the advantage of time and hind sight on your side re-evaluate the situation. Perhaps you’ll see that you were more responsible for what happened then you thought you were.

Who do you think should prioritize you and why?

Do you find yourself constantly struggling to get the attention of people in your life? And are you sad when it you don’t’ get it?

No one owes you any attention. This may sound harsh but it’s true. The fact that anyone does pay attention to you is a blessing in itself. However the moment you begin to expect it, then be prepared to feel a loss when it’s taken away.

Human beings are wired for survival so at the very core of every act there is a natural tendency to do what is best for the individual. And sometimes this might mean paying attention to you and at other times not. Whether you admit this to yourself or not, this also applies to how you act.

So when you feel that someone has prioritized you and given you their attention then really appreciate it. Don’t take it for granted, and also don’t come to expect it.

How quickly do you expect to see results for actions you take?

A day, a month, perhaps years?

Well, it could be any one of these depending on your consistency and the result you’re looking for.

Long term meaningful results will take time and they will require a new level of commitment. The reason for this is that when you’re trying to change something significant in your life you’re actually re-wiring your nervous system. You’re erasing old patterns and replacing them with new ones. And this takes time.

The challenge for most is that they don’t give change enough time. And that is inconsistent with how nature works. The results of actions can be broken down in to several stages and each stage requires time to set and once it does set it needs maintenance.

So if there’s something in your life that you want to accomplish, then be prepared to put in the necessary time that it requires. And hopefully you’ll stick with it long enough to enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Who do I have to be for them to like me?

Consciously or subconsciously, how much of your life is driven by this question?

How much of yourself do you lose in order to be liked?

Or maybe you no longer know who you are because you’ve spent so much of your life looking for the acceptance of others.

There is a term used in psychology called ‘Status Anxiety’ and it results from a focus on how you are perceived by others.  It essentially stems from the constant comparison between your life and the lives of others. And depending on your views and exposure, sometimes you feel greater than and other times less than.

Both of these feelings can drive you to behave in ways that are not beneficial to you. They create a constant state of anxiety that you are better than some or not as good as others. Learning to live comfortably in your own skin is no easy task because you are constantly bombarded with external information of who you ‘should’ be.

Take a moment today to think about one thing you know in your heart that you do not because you want to but because you want people to see you in certain way. You don’t need to share this with anyone but realize that these behaviors compound over time and if you’re not careful then eventually almost all you do will be for the acceptance of others.

How often do you find yourself saying the phrase – I’ve never done that before?

If you don’t remember the last time you said that then it’s been too long since you’ve done something different. You see, that phrase tells you that you’re about to do or have done something outside of your usual behavior.

Now obviously there can be negative consequences to doing certain things you’ve never done before but hopefully you’ll steer away from the ones that can harm you or others. However, on the other side of the coin there will be adventure, excitement and growth.

Finding opportunities to do things you haven’t done before should be something you look to do on a regular basis. You can choose how big or small you want the experience to be, but get out there and look for the opportunity to say ‘I’ve never done that before.’

Do you ever pay attention to the moment before you act?

It takes a little practice but the next time you respond to someone or something really hone in on the moment and see if you can change your response. Obviously you can’t do this every time but even if you only do it a few times in a day it can lead to some interesting results.

The first step to focusing in on the moment is being present and aware. If you’re on a call then close your eyes to avoid additional stimuli or if you’re speaking to someone in person then really focus in on the persons face or eyes. And please do it in I’m not a sociopath non-creepy way.

Focusing in on the moments before you act can help you change how you react. It can help you process information differently which can then give you new perspectives.

Researchers have found during brain scans that in some cases your brain has actually made a decision to do something 7 seconds before you take action. Imagine that, 7 whole seconds before you finished reading this your brain already decided how you would respond to reading this, and how much you liked it : )

How much are your thoughts worth to you?

Have you ever considered placing a real value on your ‘thinking time?’ Or is your mind an open playground where other people’s thoughts and ideas can come and play at will?

You’ve probably seen an old playground that has been rutted and worn down so much due to lack of upkeep that eventually it’s no good for anyone. Well, if you keep allowing others to access your mind and your time then you too will be no good for anyone, including yourself.

Stepping away from the constant allure of conversation, distractions and the need to respond to every request of your time is hard to do because your brain loves being ‘wanted,’ and it doesn’t want to ‘miss out.’ However, if you stay constantly engaged then you can no longer pay attention to your own thoughts and if you don’t place a value on your thoughts then you really can’t expect others to.

Do you know that once you get in to an argument the chances of you changing your mind even if you’re wrong is extremely slim?

Research shows that when you’re in an argument your mind is now in a win lose position, so because of this commitment to winning you essentially shut down to any new ideas. You go in to a ‘prove them wrong’ mission.

It might seem at the time that you are attempting to use logic and that of course you’re right but taking a moment to consider the other parties positon can really help prevent an argument getting out of control.

In most cases people don’t set out to argue but once they feel their positions being attacked the move in to a defensive posture. I’m sure there’s been a time when you’ve asked ‘why am I arguing’ and forgotten the reason the argument started in the first place.

Learning to control your emotions during an argument is something you can learn over time. A key step to doing this is the humility to believe that you could be wrong. This is the most difficult step to take but it will enable you to argue with an open mind and will also save many of your arguments diving out of control.

Have you ever been asked what makes you unique?

Perhaps during an interview or in the ‘qualification’ for a certain position. Do you struggle to answer the question?

I certainly do.

From purely biological standpoint the combination of cells and DNA that you are made up from are what make you unique and to the best of my knowledge have never been replicated, but what else makes you unique?

Here’s the cheat answer to what makes you unique, it’s your patterns of thought. Yes, you might find others that think similarly to you but very rarely will they think exactly like you and the follow on is how they respond to their thoughts in comparison to you.

So, if you ever feel like just another sardine in the can looking and living like everyone else, remember that although from a physical perspective you might be similar, mentally you have the opportunity to be very different. You have the opportunity to be unique.

How open are you to learning?

Learning about how to do your job better, to be a better spouse, parent or a better person overall.

Do you shun learning because you already believe you’re good enough or an expert in your area of life?

Do you catch yourself saying, “I already know how to do that?”

The danger in thinking that you already know how to do something is that you don’t leave yourself open to improvement. You continue to do what you know how to do based on old information while the world around you is constantly changing. There are new techniques being created every day for every skill you can imagine, but you won’t seek them out because you’re fixed in your mindset.

True masters or experts know that even the fundamentals in area of life can be improved upon and this is what makes them experts.

They know that even though they have a high degree of skill it can always be improved.

Try an experiment this week.

Choose an area in your professional or personal life and do some research on Amazon on the number of books about that specific topic. You’ll probably find books about your topic that were written a long time ago and also new books based on new research. Hopefully when you see the search results you’ll realize that what you know is only the beginning and there’s always more to learn

What are you reading?

Are you reading material that that gives you a mental and emotional boost or does it bring you down?

Do you spend your day’s just scanning articles and click bait or do you make time to read books that really interest you?

Reading is one of those simple acts that can change your entire life. You can learn about countries that you might never visit or experiences that can thrill and educate you. Unfortunately most people don’t take time to really explore just how much good reading material there really is.

With the rise of audiobooks and e-readers you can now find ways to read that suit your personal style. Many public libraries also offer e-books and audiobooks. So next time instead of watching whatever’s next on the TV or just aimlessly surfing the web, carve out 20 minutes and dig into a book. You never know what you might find.

Do you watch the Olympics?

Even if you don’t, I’m sure you’re at least aware that they exist. So many of the events that are part of the Olympics take a matter of seconds to execute yet the athletes have committed to training for years just to make an appearance.

Can you imagine training for years for a less than 10 second activity?

But that’s the kind of approach it takes to be world class.

Now you may not want to be a world class athlete but what if you want to be great at something else. What if you want to be excellent at your job, your relationships, or your life?

Are you committed to being the best you can?

Are you putting in the work to get better or are you just wanting ‘better’ to happen by itself?

The good news is that you can improve any area of your life if you really commit to it. Many of the athletes you see performing have full time jobs but find the time to commit to their craft and you can too. You don’t have to commit to hours all at once, just a few minutes a day will add up and can make a big difference.

So be inspired by these individuals that have practiced for years for an activity that lasts less than a few seconds and commit to investing a few minutes in you for a skill that can last a lifetime.

How much do you value do you see in other people?

Do you believe that every person you encounter has something they can teach you regardless of their position in life?

Or do you overlook certain people because they don’t look as though they can help you or teach you anything?

Engaging with an individual at a core level is a difficult skill to master but well worth the effort. The ability to sit with another person and just let them talk without waiting to jump in and share your agenda takes a high degree of patience but is well worth the effort.

Every person has something of value that they can share with another. However, in most cases this value rarely has the opportunity to surface due to the shallow nature of most conversations.

The next time you have the opportunity to talk to someone you’re meeting for the first time; allow them to ‘carry the conversation.’ Sit back and listen, you might be surprised at how much you will learn and just how much value they bring to your life.

Do you have a fear of being alone?

The fear of being alone is a primal fear because humans are social animals and in the past being alone probably meant that you would not survive in the wilderness. However, unless you live in some remote part of the world this fear is no longer valid.

For many people the fear of loneliness is what keeps them stuck in their habits. They fear that if they change their ways then they will be unaccepted by those around them. And the truth is that this might be true. But, the good news is that if you search you will find others like you.

Initially as you step out of your environment in to a new one the loneliness might feel overwhelming and you will be tempted to slide back to what you were used to. If you take the time to examine your feeling of loneliness you will learn over time that the feeling is temporary. Give yourself the opportunity grow past the feeling of being alone until eventually you realize that being alone is something you can deal with and not to be feared.

How many times have you set out to do something until ‘life gets in the way?’

Well, I hate to break it to you but that’s always going to happen. Life will always get in the way because that’s what life is. But just because it gets in the way doesn’t mean you stop going after what you want.

Can you imagine if every time there was a major storm the airlines said “that’s it we’re done” and closed up and went away. This sounds ridiculous because it is. Instead they reschedule, make changes and deal with delays. Well, life’s the same way.

So the next time you feel as though you’ve fallen behind on something you really wanted to get done or you encounter some unexpected challenges don’t just give up. Learn to live with the delay but continue on. You’ve probably heard the phrase ‘better late than never,’ and if what you’re pursuing is really important to you then you’ll enjoy it even more once you get it.